Menopausal Women Are Hot! Part 2 - Hot Flashes and Mood Swings

Hot Flashes – The Name of My New Band!

Menopausal Women ARE Hot!

Hot Flashes for me were not gradual. With no forewarning, they began one normal weeknight while sleeping. I woke up confused and covered in sweat in the middle of the night. Frantic and embarrassed, I wasn’t sure if I’d peed the bed or we’d had some massive heatwave localized to our bedroom or I was dreaming. All three options were incorrect. I had a Hot Flash and the literal tides of youth had turned to middle age in a puddle of brine.

I still had no idea what was happening, because no one (older female – like my MOM) told me about the onset of menopause symptoms. Yes, I’d heard the word menopause from some unknown source – but never once heard a woman in my universe speak this word out loud. When I asked my mom about them, she said, “They’re just hot flashes. I still get them.” Very nonchalant and no big whoopty-do about drenching your sheets every night and thinking this was okay! (And what did she mean by, “I still get them?” My mom is 20 years older than me, so how long do Hot Flashes last???) She would change the subject so fast that I’m still suffering from whiplash. As I mentioned in Blog #1 – the Boomer and previous generations of women did not discuss something so uncomfortable and chose denial instead.

The Menopausal Hot Flashes primarily occurred during what should have been “rest and rejuvenation” time – but would occasionally pop up during the day at work. I was in my early 40s working for an advertising studio specializing in food photography. I was the Production Manager and Prop Stylist. I wore many hats and did everything but snap the picture. I never knew when the Hot Flash would happen. One minute I’d be talking to clients about our next food setup and out of the blue I’d feel this swelling of atomic heat from within. It would mushroom outward and result in what I called, “Tears (of sweat) all over my body.” My Body Was Literally Crying For Help!!! I’d also have blossoms of red blobs on my face and neck to emphasize my soggy appearance, just in case no one noticed my sheen of desperation or sodden armpits. There was no hiding when this storm occurred. I’d see a look of mild disgust come over the client’s face as they took a tiny step back away from me, in case it was contagious. I’d eventually sneak off to the bathroom to towel myself down and reapply deodorant. Indignities were part of my everyday activity. A new hobby of sorts.

I’m lucky that my Menopausal Hot Flashes did not last as long as my mom’s. They did eventually taper off but left a lasting impression on my mind and mattress. Unfortunately, Menopause doesn't have just ONE symptom. My MOOD SWINGS (yes, it should be capitalized) overlapped my Hot Flashes – just to make life more interesting. Like my Hot Flashes, I had little to no control over when my Mood Swing would flare up. I’d realize they were in full swing, when I was performing a song from my new band, The Hot Flashes. In reality (which can be a real stretch for me) there is no “band,” but the performing part is true. I would do the craziest things during episodes of Mood Swings. If you’ve read my book, Menopause the Horror, Humility, and Humor of It All, then you may recall some of my MS antics:

1. Dancing like Lord of the Dance for all attendees

2. Get deathly quiet and my blood-red beady blue eyes are just slits of pure disgust – praying that I can kill you with a wink and a prayer

3. Burst into tears

Just a few listed for you to get the idea. I felt completely out of control during this phase. I’ve had a lot of people refer to me as “animated” or “dramatic”, but my Mood Swings took me to an upper stratum of crazy. Medication was often recommended to me during menopause. Special pills to calm the beast. Anyway, Mood Swings should be its own Blog!!

Let’s get back to “Menopausal Women are Hot!” Of course, this card that was sent to me (strangely by my brother-in-law) had double meaning. An obvious joke about Menopausal Women and their f**king Hot Flashes and also a fact that Menopausal Women ARE Hot! I know quite a few women of a certain age that one can assume they no longer have their period and are in menopause – that are sexy, vital and relevant. Just to list a few famous women that I consider HOT that you would recognize:

1. Helen Mirren

2. Oprah Winfrey

3. Jamie Lee Curtis

4. Michelle Obama

5. Naomi Watts

6. Drew Barrymore

7. Angela Bassett

8. Michelle Pfeiffer

9. Michelle Yeoh

The list goes on and on!! I could also list people I personally know but fear if I accidentally left someone out – I’d be left off any future guest list. My dance card is already pretty limited, so I don’t want to lose out on any potential future invitation. Did that sound sad and desperate? Well, it is.

These women and countless others - famous or not - did not lose their Hotness just because they went through Menopause or Aged out of the Ingenue category of life. Jeez Louise!!! BTW – Who is Louise? Being considered beautiful, sexy, confident and HOT is not limited to women that can still procreate. Those women are beautiful too, but we older women shouldn’t be disregarded as irrelevant once we stop bleeding. Metaphorically, women never stop bleeding. We bleed everyone's and everything’s pain. That is our job because we can handle the burden and responsibility.

My husband, Ed, still looks at me lustfully, despite the way I feel about myself and my lack of hormones. He thinks I’m a HOT Menopausal and that I get hotter as I get older. Of course, he does have some eye issues, but I know he is still turned on by me. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy to know my husband loves and desires me. For Ed, seeing me in a French maid outfit would be the cherry on top! That hasn't happened yet much to his dismay! It doesn’t hurt that Ed is HOT too!!! More on this topic, because I haven't done a Blog Post on Hormones yet. I touch on it in my book, but it's a whole other bag of menopausal challenges!

I really hope you’ll become a part of my community. I would love to hear your stories, without any editing, please. I can handle anything!

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Colleen McIntosh