Tattoo Blog. Rat-a-Tattoo-y! With pain comes expression!
- Colleen McIntosh
- Jan 3
- 9 min read
To be stabbed or not to be stabbed - that has been an ongoing question! I've been talking about getting a tattoo for decades. What glorious artwork will garnish my virgin skin? Where will I put this beacon of self? Can I manage to be still while being perforated a million times? I've never considered myself a weenie when it comes to physical pain. I have a pretty high threshold. Emotional pain is another ball of tangled yarn and another blog. But, I've never had a large needle thrust into my skin over and over and over and over again without any drugs administered to put me in a stupor for a couple hours - or probably longer. It's not like having cataract surgery or a colonoscopy - you are fully aware of that prolonged puncturing of intense tattoo agony. There is no fight or flight instinct once you have been harpooned with ink. Also, once you've announced to your 2 followers that you are a Bad Ass and getting tatted - at 67 (almost 68) - there is no going back. Failure is not an option. I'll put on my big girl magic panties and persevere until the final impalement has ceased its torture. I'll probably cave into the puddling abyss and reveal (scream) all my deep dire secrets while under the needle. TMI should be the tattoo!
This blog is a prequel to getting my first tattoo. I'll follow up with all the whiny details once I've been skewered! Actually, it's my older self telling my younger self how to disregard all the haters in eternal artistic format. Fuck Off!
Many years ago - my first tattoo vision was one that I'd seen on an attractive muscled male. An adorable Mighty Mouse on his ripped upper arm. It was colorful, pristine and obviously done by a veteran tattooist. I talked about it for months - but gradually realized that I was an actress and maybe a tattoo wasn't the smartest decision I could make. Adorning your body with prejudice was frowned upon in musical theatre. Those were the days of marine's inked with battles lost and won - comrades in arms - commemorating those who had fallen - Mom. Prisoners with rudimentary crude tats of crimes, kills and bad-assery. Hells Angels declaring their allegience and lifetime membership of white male thuggery. Women got silent tattoos - concealed like a dirty little covert rebellion - unless they were a hippy or a whore or in a circus. Just another myth that prevented us from expressing our identities with body art. It's like when I got my ears pierced. I felt a bit dangerous and nasty! I was in my mid 20's (late bloomer)! It hurt but I felt so grown up. At 67, I'd be giddy as a goat if someone called me a slut! Also, I have no loyalty to Mighty Mouse? The search continued.
Years ago - my sister got a rose tattoo near her bikini line and then XOXO on her left side (above her waist). My aunt got a ladybug on her ankle. I knew quite a few women with small symbolic totems - personal coat of arms - embroidery of the soul. I yearned to join this club of feminine rebels - landscaping their skin with a permanent declaratioin of artistic expression - even if hidden except for a select few to witness. Being the way I am (read my other blogs) - I dreamt of joining their ranks - but fear of change prevented me from actualizing the choice of conceptual art on skin.
My second tattoo awakening was during our trip to Ireland. We went to Bru na Boinne where the prehistoric passage tombs of Newgrange, Knowth and Dowth are located. These are Stone Age Neolithic monuments of man-made ceremonial constructions. 500-700 years before the Pyramids and 1000 years before Stonehenge. Circa 3200BC. When we were approaching Newgrange I noticed huge stones at the entrance and surrounding the mound with large triple spirals and double loops etched all over these enormous elongated oval boulders. I was transfixed and this shape took on many meanings for me. Mobius continuum - tripled endless loops - circle of life - painstakingly carved - infinity stones - blew my mind. I felt an interconnectedness with these anciet peoples. I'm half Irish and felt transformed. The megalithic art also appeared in the passageway to the entrance stone and repeated throughout our tour. This cairn (tomb) was also constructed so the sun would hit the roof box at the passageway during mid-winter solstice. Magical and mystical. My inner-wiccan danced naked around the firelight with pagan delight! We observed the remnants of a magnificent homage to some kings or persons of substantial prominence. It was spiritual. I thought about this ancient design for years.
Sadly, my grandmother passed while we were in Ireland (I miss her so much) I received a kitchen magnet as one of her mementos. I was told it was a fiddlehead design (Maine-iacs love their fiddleheads) but I saw something else. Yes, it looked like a fiddlehead but it also looked like the engraved images from Newgrange. Uncanny resemblance!! Nature and art combined. I love fiddleheads and it seemed like kismet. I had my tattoo design!!!
As time flew by, my fiddlehead/infinity design hit a snag! These designs appear very organic and would a tatooist be able to pull this off without me explaining it to everyone who I revealed it to? Would it just look like a sloppy loopy mistake? Tired of explaining the tat, would I have to carry cards with me to hand out defending my choice in tats and taste? Do I want a tattoo that I "infinitely" regret? I sadly laid this idea to rest in my inner tomb (brain) for now - and revisited my indelible design yet again.
Years later.......our world is falling apart......I'm 67......I'm fed up and raging......I found my forever tat!! My sister sent me a text with an image a few weeks ago. A picture of an embroidered crow/raven with the phrase:
F-CAW-F. I stared at it for a couple seconds and then burst out laughing! F-CAW-F is perfect! Fits my personality and attitude about humanity (lack of humanity) and I want to share this with anyone that feels the same way or pisses me off!! I soon realized that it would make a great tattoo and told my husband (who liked it). I also love mimicking these intelligent birds - so when I say the phrase f-caw-f - I scream it like a veteran crow!! Scare away all the riff-raff. I also do a mean impersonation of a chicken. My avian skills have paid off!
Ironically, it makes getting "pecked" for a few hours all worth it!!
I protested Xmas this year (yet another blog) - but my husband and I gave each other a gift - and mine was a gift certificate to a local tattoo parlor! I was stunned at first (thank you OCD and your unrelenting power of impediment to change) but took some inner deep breaths and was glad that I have finally made (forced) the commitment to getting a tattoo. F-CAW-F OCD!!
Location..location..location? Choosing where to emboss my leathery hide is a sticky wicket conundrum. I considered the following tender sites:
a. Ear - if I could pierce my lobe, why not the grizzled part? Are you effing crazy!! My ears are no longer tiny and cute. As my head gets smaller - my ears get bigger.
b. Finger - all bone - what could go wrong?
c. Upper back/shoulder - can't do it now because of the raised age spots - I hate aging and lazy dermatologists! I always liked my back - but now it looks like a mine-field of barnacles.
d. Inner wrist - do I really want to bleed to death? Suicide is NEVER the answer.
e. Ankle - all bone again, stupid!
f. Upper arm - Winner Winner Hopefully I'm Not Chicken Dinner!
I feel that it's never too late to get a tattoo. However, as you age, you have to consider the "loose wrinkly skin" phenomenon. I would never consider my boobs, stomach, ass or thighs as a site for body art - because it would look like a Picasso or Munch painting - an ever changing animated piece of distorted reality (like our current government). I work out 5 days a week and maintain my weight - but age doesn't give a fuck! You can't reattach your skin to it's original skeleton - no matter how many reps you do on the egym machines, laps in the pool, pilates classes, etc. - you tone up but they have not invented a machine or work out that will reverse aging. Plastic surgery is not in my senior budget. I have one spot that has held up to date - my upper arm. Since I'm a right-handed person - my right arm will always be more toned. The skin is remaining true to my original form and wrinkle free. It's the last bastion of taut! I can show my tattoo off or hide it. Perfect spot (until it's not).
I have been fluctuating between a crow or raven as my spirit guide - but feel crow makes more sense for me and my tattoo. Crows fit the message - since they "Caw" when communicating. Ravens have more of a "Raspy Croak." Also, the spiritual meaning of a crow fits well with the tattoo design and message.
a. Transformation and Rebirth - getting my first tattoo
b. Intelligence and Wisdom - I'm not the brightest bulb, but I know that my choice in tattoo is smarter and wiser than DJT and all his evil trolls administration put together.
c. Messenger and Magical - I can only hope and dream that I can spread the word and it will magically come true.
d. Trickster - fits perfectly with my witty (sardonic) message to F-CAW-F (tee..hee...).
e. Fate and Opportunity - I see an opportunity to use my wits to call out the ignorant haters! I believe fate will eventually catch up to them!
Also, I find this tattoo hilarious and it amuses me! I've compiled images of crow cawing artwork to submit for this artist challenge. Wish me good luck and I'll post another blog after the indelible ink has dried!
If anyone would like to share their foible(s) or Tattoo Designs and experiences or aging mishaps - we could commiserate on our peculiarities , sick humor and frustrations - with an open forum of like-minded challenged adults. No shaming on this blog!!
If you want even more info on life, menopause, aging and other fun observations – not only check out my book but I have 44 more blogs that go into all sorts of funny and informative crap about being a woman of many years, experiences and observations . My doctor appointment and middle child blogs are a hoot!! It’s better to educate with honesty, horror, humility and humor than remain silent.
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Colleen McIntosh
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