HI! I'm Doom And Gloom! Not nice to meet me!

I retrofitted my Halloween image into Doom and Gloom!

In the wee hours of the morning after a mental-quivering nightmare - my alter ego emerged and introduced herself to me (yet again) - first name Doom, middle name And, last name Gloom! Due to the current reign of terror that is our daily nemesis (government) - I've unleashed my twin to fret over evil and tyranny. Having a doomster alt personality has its perks (and impending calamitous downsides).

Nobody really wants to be a doom and gloomer, but I have taken on the mantle because someone has to. Doom and Gloom (D&G) appears as needed - for example - holidays! I have conflicted feelings about them. More so as I've aged. You can read my Xmas Blogs for a sneak peak inside my holiday challenges. The current anti-holiday environment in this country makes it even more doomier and gloomier. Holidays are supposed to be full of joy and cheer - but the pressure of being so is amplified to a level of paralyzing anxiety - hence why D&G's dour countenance resurfaces.

We just re-watched Jim Carrey's "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" for the umpteenth time. Holiday ritual. A book/movie character I recognize as a kindred spirit! Bah Humbuggery is my credo. I understand the Grinch's pain and loathing of the Whoville residents and Xmas - but appreciate his eventual change (enlargement) of heart at the end. For a few moments - it put things in perspective. But just a few moments. You need some Doom and Gloom to recognize and treasure the good times. Keep those expectations low, my friends!

Ed has never really liked or appreciated Doom and Gloom (D&G), but often has to tolerate her. She appears randomly depending on what she doomandgloom-scrolls on social media. D&G rears her despondent haggy-head periodically before I cram her back inside to catch my breath. Sleeping, driving, observing the selective silent news media, reading the chaotic posts on SM, checking our fluctuating retirement fund, listening to a white man dick-splain something I didn't ask for, etc. - makes D&G's hackles rise and my personal "Hyde" comes out moping.

Ed's work husbands understood the irony of this button I bought him!

My counter-partner, Ed, is often the exact opposite of me with his own irritating personality traits. Below are a couple of his annoying monikers:

Lollipop Optimist

Little F**king Ray of Sunshine

Mr. Unicorns and Rainbows

Any of his work husbands would be perplexed by this list. A man of many facets.

He doesn't smile much - but he believes everything will all work out just fine. He is often right - but D&G cringes when he says it!

Like Starbucks coffee brewing machines - the older I get the more bitter I become!

Being Doom and Gloom is hard work. What used to be a part-time gig is now a full-time 24/7 job - similar to a fireman waiting for the next disaster to put out - without the bright red shiny truck and siren. Like Sisyphus, it's an onerous and futile endeavor. The boulder just gets bigger and the hill steeper! It's an exhausting and thankless job being Doom and Gloom. Every day insanity monopolizes the conversation. It's like the world is full of male-volent Pennywise Clowns. Just watch Stephen King's movie "It" and you'll be shocked and repulsed by the uncanny resemblance! Avoid stormwater drains and red balloons!

Our Worst Nightmare!

My Sisyphean split personality remains steadfast in its mission to ferret out evil and chaos. Am I able to see beyond all the doom and gloom and conquer it? Baby steps....baby steps.

The frayed edges say it all!

D&G deals with dire situatioins in a variety of uncomfortable ways. There is the daily news update of "What HELL transpired over the last 5 hours (if I'm lucky) while I slept to cause most of us fury, pain and disgust." This always spawns a dark rumbling cloud, elevated heart rate, internal brewing, spiraling into an eruption and then collapsing in despair with a spoonful of hopelessness towards humankind. You never know how you'll react. It could be a raging rant, an internal fetal despondency, fight-or-flight or just shutting down completely with the unrealistic hope it will just all magically go away! All of these fatalistic emotions result in exhaustion - body, mimd and soul.

Just another Tuesday mound of random Post-it thoughts!

As a person with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - endless loop of achieving orderliness/cleanliness) my D&G companion can make every day full of perpetual anxiety leading to impending destruction of our world. I can handle my OCD - I just vacuum again or move that doily 1/16th of an inch or brush the area rug fringe or make sure I have a sufficient number of post-it notes cataloging my daily tasks - in order to regulate my heart rate to a dull roar. But D&G feeds on misery - my boulder to shoulder! D&G sometimes needs a time-out in the closet of abysmal agony!! Even I occasionally need a break from her.

I need a bigger notebook.

Ironically, as I get old(er) - I find that my fear of change and chaos has an "anger button." An example of a natural chaotic event that caused fear is our recent trip to South Dakota. After 3 long days of traveling - while dommandgloomig about the other drivers, traffic, keeping Tatertot happy, Ed's driving, navigating our next pee stop and finding a campground to rest our weary asses - we arrived in Wall , SD. A quick pee stop and cracking of backs - we hopped back in the truck to drive 6 miles to park for 2 nights at the scenic overlook of the Badlands. We joined a caravan of campers and RVs strung out along the overlook cliff that gave us all a stunning view of these otherworldly Badboys. We were excited and quickly set up our camper (Gullibles Travels - aptly named) for the evening. We pulled our chairs over to the cliff edge to relax and enjoy the scenery. Of course, I was internally D&Ging about the cliff edge and Tatertot getting too close even though he was on a lead. As we snapped photos and texted friends and family - I noticed a massive black cloud that was hemorrhaging lightning bolts way off in the distance. I remarked, "Wow - look at that crazy storm over there! Glad it's not in this area!!!" Premature assumption! I proceeded to snap a photo of the pretty ominous electrified tidal wave.

So happy to make the Badlands! Doom and Gloom arrived 5 hours later!

This is just the entrance to the Badlands. I call them the Baby Badlands!

As we got all snug and cozy in the camper for the night - Ed looked up the weather and said that we were going to get severe thunderstorms around 10pm. That very same storm we'd seen earlier. Starting to feel an encroaching sense of D&G - we bedded down and hoped for the best. However, as we were reading - my D&G spidey-senses started itching and slithered out of the dark tunnels of my soul to prepare me for the worst possible outcome. I remained deathly quiet and pretended to ignore her. Ed and I (and D&G) were completely naive and unprepared for a South Dakota thunderstorm. It hit like a tsunami. We have never experienced a cataclysmic event of Mother Nature's creation and raw unmitigated anger. She can be a monumental Bitch!! We were instantly engulfed in a deluge of torrential rain. We were buffeted on all sides by high winds. We were volleyed on all sides of our camper

Wind's picking up. Off in the distance is the enormous gray lightening cloud formation that looked pretty from a distance.

with lightning that never stopped for 45 minutes. NEVER STOPPED! We were being shaken like a puppy with its favorite Lamb Chop squeaky plush toy. Our camper was still attached to the truck and we also had our leveling feet down for stabilization - but it felt like this barrage of elements simultaneously attacking our area (and camper) was going to win the battle and topple us over while gleefully pushing us to the overlook cliff. It was shocking and terrifying. Ed went into apeman mode and started panic-yelling (because the storm was so loud) instructions. If we went over he could kick out the large window over the bed and save us. Or we could all get dressed and make a run for the truck and he could save us. He was frantically going over every worse case scenario (sort of like D&G would do) and made it his mission to - yes - save us! He decided getting dressed and leaving the camper was the safest option. D&G was dubious. Meanwhile, Tater lay by the bed, frozen silent and also questioning this logic. Ed is shouting out commands. D&G finally took control and my brain ping-ponged all the possible scenarios of disaster with deathly calm. I seethed while Ed continued his diatribe and then I got really pissed!. I angrily pulled on sweatpants and my new sketchers. Grabbed a sweatshirt, purse, phone and an afghan because my raincoat and wellies were in the f**king truck. In a frenzy Ed proceeded to the door for our mad dash to "safety." I sunk into a half foot of red mud while being

The calm before the storm.

slashed by rain - and, of course - lightning exploding everywhere. Fuming, I managed to suck my feet out of the clay muck while keeping my sneakers on - disgusted (and OCDing) at the mess I would have to clean up the next day if we lived through this hellscape. Meanwhile, Ed is pounding his chest while impatiently yelling orders while Tate and I ignore him. As we sit in the truck, I realized we were still attached to the battered camper and if it goes over - we might, as well - and wondered if Ed had taken this into consideration when making this escape plan? After a brief moment of silence - Ed switches personalities and starts playing with the console buttons (an irritating habit) while smugly feeling like he saved the day and told me to settle down and get some rest. Raging (like the f**king storm), I remained silent and shoved the afghan up to my head so I could close my eyes and strategize Ed's demise. My OCD was horrified at the muddy mess and uncomfortalbe sleeping arrangements - already planning how I was going to clean up the next morning while also considering my many options of where to bury the body in SD. This "End of Times Biblical Storm" lasted about another half hour before it started to calm the f**k down. Ed eventually decided we could return to the camper and attempted to sleep through a couple more rounds of less aggressive inclement weather. We were in higher elevation and literally inside this vengeful storm. I couldn't sleep. I laid there not in fear but in contemplation. D&G and I had a private conversation. We were ruminating on our cosmic bad luck sometimes - that often happened while trying to take a deep breath, relax and have some respite from the daily loony bin called life. We learned that our fears can sometimes result in wrath-choking anger that actually makes us stronger. Not great for our blood pressure - but I didn't cower from the storm. Gave me some hope that I (we) could battle anything - including our avaricious government. We did not go gently into that good night, our old age burned and raved at close of day, and raged, raged against the dying of the light! (thank you Dylan Thomas).

Come morning, we were wakened by sunlight and pleasant conditions. However, Ed had left a vent open and our entire camper inside (and outside) was covered with a fine red dust from the storm. I wanted to metaphorically kill him all over again. He told me to ignore it. Stupid silly apeman! I rampaged while cleaning up the storm's mess. When we went outside - the ground was almost dry. Clay ground will do that! I glanced at the two mud mounds that were my new sneakers and looked around to see if the other campers had made it through the night unscathed. Everyone was just standing there in after shock. We all silently looked at each other and smiled with uneasy relief. I'm sure some were amazed that our tiny camper was still standing. We were supposed to spend another night on the overlook - but quickly decided to add an additional night to our long term stay at J Bar Ranch in Hill City - because another storm was coming through that night. No thank you!

Doom and Gloom has it's perks. We don't want our dire predictions to actually come true. We may cause a lot of undo anxiety, but we can also forsee catastrophic events while remaining calm, resolved and f**king angry. It was better than wringing my hands like a vapid mewling coward. Beware coming into my home with evil intent! I have a baseball bat by my front door and next to my bed and I'd really enjoy using it!

Release the Epstein Files.

D&G and I also came up with an inverse strategy to deal with emotionally manipulative and abusive individuals - called Gray Rocking! My sister turned me on to this term. It seemed appropriate since I'm considered a member of the "gray establishment" and I own a "rocking chair." This is a coping mechanism to deal with toxic behavior - typically ones with narcissistic traits. Without knowing this strategy - I inadvertently practiced gray rocking about a year before terminating my job. It works like a f**king charm!! Just respond with non-aggressive minimal emotional energy and one syllable bland answers - to confound and deflate the abuser. Don't fuel their manipulative negative energy. Remember - don't conflate an abuser's actions with your self-worth! Disengage with them and be as unresponsive as a "Gray Rock!"

October, my favorite month, flew by like all the leaves on our last windy day. It's my b-day month along with my sister's and my great nieces. It's the best of fall. It has my favorite holiday - Halloween! But - unlike October - we are now in the molasses months of doom and gloom - November and December. The two longest, costliest and busiest months of the year. I love molasses - but it's a slow moving bitch to clean up and caloric. Thanksgiving and Xmas can be dark and dreary and depressing holidays for many. With forced joviality, you are expected to deal with all the consumerism, shopping, crowds, spending too much, eating too much and engaging with all family members whether you like them or not - and you better f**king enjoy every second and pray you don't get snowed in. I piggy-back my alter ego, D&G, throughout the holidays. She's inevitable - so I no longer fight her. I go through the motions and we hang X-mas lights on the porch, put a wreath on the front door, play X-mas tunes, do (minimal) decorating on the main floor, put our candles in the front windows and ho...ho...ho like we're normal. We aren't. We are wierd. We are happy to be wierd. I refuse to get a Xmas tree (my cat and now new puppy would demolish it within 5 minutes). I typically make 10,000 cookies to pass out in December - but have decided to forego the ritual this year. I'm going to put the couple hundred dollars and 4 days of back-breaking baking for a more altruistic purpose. Yes, I know it's shocking for me to use the word altruistic while referring to my own intentions - so close your mouth! I have a new mission - keep my husband healthy. He eats a portion of every batch and then gets his own batch. I'd also rather give the money I spend on those cookies to someone who needs it. Thanks to our administration - there are even more people who are in need of help. Merry Effing Xmas America!

Love the smell of rants in the morning!

Enough ranting about my feelings and holidays. I know a great gift for you to consider - buy everyone a copy of the "The Handmaids Tale." Literature and education are worth the cost. Margaret Atwood extensively researches while writing her books and all her nightmarish dystopian content is based on factual events and actions from history. Think long and hard on that when you read her books! Authors are the voices of what COULD happen. Or you could take the family on a road trip to DC and protest! A bonding family outing!! Rather than play games after stuffing yourself - have everyone write letters to your Congressmen/women with all your Xmas wishes for 2026! Make it a worthwhile competition. Or you could do what we do and play Crimes Against Humanity and get all your sick psycopathic tendancies out of your system while laughing with the Fam! Or, rather than terrorizing your credit card this year (which will all end up in a future yard sale or garbage can) - give to someone in need or a worthwhile charity or donate to NPR and PBS. You can still enjoy the holidays - but with a clean conscience and soul. Just remember to vote the Fascists out of office in 2026 and 2028!!! Best gift EVER!!

Let's end this ranting blog with some D&G holiday platitudes and jokes:

Deck the Halls, but not your family! (unless they deserve it) Fa la la la la la la la la....

Jingle Balls....Jingle Balls...

When Santa Claus plans, Mrs. Claus laughs...

3 Wise Men....ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....

Santa doesn't believe in you either....

Holiday calories don't count...jut kidding!

And finally - May we all live in less interesting times!! Have a tolerable holiday and may all our wishes come true in 2026!

May 2026 be the year of payback!

If anyone would like to share their foible(s) or DoomandGloom stories or aging mishaps - we could commiserate on our peculiarities , sick humor and frustrations - with an open forum of like-minded challenged adults. No shaming on this blog!!

If you want even more info on life, menopause, aging and other fun observations – not only check out my book but I have 44 more blogs that go into all sorts of funny and informative crap about being a woman of many years, experiences and observations . My doctor appointment and middle child blogs are a hoot!! It’s better to educate with honesty, horror, humility and humor than remain silent. 

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Colleen McIntosh