Tattoo Blog. Part II - The Tattoo Artist Pageant!

Women get this message immediately. Men need a tutorial.

And the winner is.............

In my last blog - Tattoo Blog. Rat-a-Tattoo-y - I mentioned that my husband, Ed, got me a gift certificate to a local tattoo parlor for Xmas. This was the impetus to encourage (force) me to finally get my old(er) body adorned with my personal anti-horcrux (to repel and destroy evil). I am very nervous but also tat-illated!!

And thus began the tattoo artist pageant!

In early January, we popped into the tattoo parlor (friend referral of Ed's). I briefly chatted with someone at the front desk and was handed off to a person I will name "Martha." She came over to chat about what I had in mind. My first thought was, "Huh...they allow 12 year-olds to work at tattoo parlors? Shouldn't she be in school? Where's her mommy?" I put aside my discomfort at allowing a pre-pubescent child to wield a needle on any of my body parts - and showed her my tattoo presentation. Yes, I did a lengthy document outlining my many images and details. I AM OCD! As we discussed my tattoo vision - she asked where I intended this masterpiece (not her words). I pulled off my flannel shirt and pulled up my t-shirt sleeve and told her that the only wrinkle-free zone on my body was my upper arms. I got no reaction - so, I said, "You'll understand in 50 years. I don't want the tattoo to go below this muscular bump (flexing while I showed off my chisled defined biceps). Still no reaction. So I flexed again and again saying, "See! See how muscular my arm is? Look at it! LOOK AT IT!!! She finally (sort of) laughed. A laugh that could have been taken a couple different ways - yes, I was funny OR no, you are a strange pathetic old lady.

As we continued discussing my document and images of angry crows and styles - all in black - Ed piped up and said, "You need to keep in mind that my leg tattoo (celtic band in dark blue) has faded over the past 20 years." Martha quickly agreed. I said, "That's fine, because in 20 years I'll be dead. It will still look decent as I'm going in the oven." Ed laughed. Martha didn't. We selected one of my images as a template (not my fav) for her to sketch up a tattoo of what she envisioned based on this image (she needed a week) for either my approval or disapproval. As we were leaving, I didn't have a strong sense of confidence in the tween stabbing me one million times. I shook it off.

In the meantime, I posted my preferred images on SM to get other people's reaction. Most approved and congratulated me on my choices. My mom immediately responded with, "If you must do it, why not choose a cute little butterfly!" I told her that I appreciated her feedback, but NO. My cousin Kelly loved my idea and even asked if the crow's eye could be red!! Now, that was solid feedback!

We went back a week later to see what Martha had come up with. Her "drawing" was well sketched - but completely opposite of what I'd asked for. First off, it wasn's a crow. Secondly, it was a cartoon of a bird in flight - not remotely what I'd envisaged or asked for. It was an outlined drawing with all negative space and no black fill-in. A drawing any 12 year-old could trace. I wanted a more realistic dramatic sexy pissed off image of a crow in flight with claws out-stretched and beak cawing. Her image had eagle talons? Has she never seen a crow? I specifically told her I did not want a cartoon. I wanted mostly filled in black but with feather definition. I wanted a F*cking Crow - not an illustrated unknown bird species. I didn't ask for a Harpy or a Gryphon - I wanted a CROW! I politely responded with carefully worded discontent and asked why I couldn't have something like the images I showed her. She went on and on about negative space (which I'm not a moron and know what negative space is) and ended her poorly constructed excuse for not doing what I asked with the following statement, "Doing an all black tattoo has complications with healing time. It also will turn into a blob over time - with no definition." I sat there for a moment - trying to remain patient with the toddler. I also had a feeling that Martha had just insulted me. The comment about healing time almost felt like I couldn't handle the process because I was old. It made me uncomfortable. I silently thought, "F-CAW-F Martha" - because I no longer had any confidence in this young person and would find my own tattooist - who spoke ADULT! Another take-away from this encounter - was that she was not interested in doing my tattoo. She succeeded - but it back-fired. I rejected her. Another error was that my husband had a large dark blue celtic band around his thigh - that was heavily detailed and about 40 years old. You can still see design details - it did not bleed or turn into a blob over time. It has faded - because it's 40 f*cking years old. Just because I'm 67 and a tattoo novice - does not mean I'm f*cking stupid.

We left soon after and said that I'd get her additional images for discussion - more in her level of expertise (not a compliment) and we would make a decision. I let it stew for a couple days and even started looking for less detailed, smaller and even funny crow images - already perpared to settle for less. Maybe something less invasive and elaborate would assuage the thumb-sucking tattooist. I was no longer happy about this momentous event. That pissed me off. But I eventually decided to try again and sent her another spreadsheet with some additonal images - but still kept in the image I loved. I even threw in some red herrings (not fish) to see if she would bite. I put a cartoon drawing that was a less angry, slightly comical cawing crow - with some negative space - and she loved that one. Of course she did - it was easier. So, I told Ed that I was not going back there and would check out another parlor 10 min. from our house that got great reviews and had even selected the artist I wanted to talk with (interrogate). I no longer trusted Martha and did not want her needle-gun to go anywhere near my virgin skin. I refuse to settle for something that is mediocre. No offense, but I am doing this my way or not doing it at all. This is a life-time commitment artistically and financially. Martha had put the worm into my head that maybe I was too old. That really hurt - but I have very limited knowledge of how tattoos work - even though a gazillion people have been carving art on their bodies since time began and all age groups!

I am not naming this tattoo parlor because I've heard it's a reputable place. Unfortunately, I was assigned someone that didn't mesh with me or my vision. I'm sure Martha is a good tattoist and I wish Martha well.

Of course, we then had a massive snow/ice storm (for Maryland) which shut everything down for a week.

Chapterhouse is a tattoo parlor very close by that I have passed a million times. It has great reviews and a wide range of artists and styles. They have an extensive cool website. There was one tat specialist that made me stop and take note. Lee Verzosa looked kind and a little crazy - with a mind-blowing example of his artwork. I was enchanted and intrigued.

Ed and I popped in to check out the place, as well as, in the hopes I could chat with Lee. The first thing I noticed was the following: They had about 8 tattooists, the place was packed with people being tatted, great music was playing, the vibe was f*cking amazing and there was a seating area filled with people waiting. This parlor was right out of a movie set! I was a little dizzy and overwhelmed with their vibe while waiting. I got goosebumps (and may have peed a little). The previous parlor - only had 3 artists, there were no customers both times we were there, it was super quiet, the decor was cute - but not on the level of Chapterhouse. BTW - the only other customer that came in during our visit was a couple trying to sell them a better BGE (electric company) plan. I rest my case.

I noticed that one tat table was empty and I couldn't seem to find Lee amidst all this glorious chaos. A guy asked me if I needed assistance and I asked if Lee was in and available to chat about my first tattoo. The stars aligned. Lee came over and my impression of him expanded into rockstar category. He was all in black, leather jacket, tats and kind discerning eyes. He took my hand - not in the normal casual expected hand shake - but with attentive warmth. Almost like he was feeling my soul. I'm not being crazy - this guy was unique. We had a long discourse about my vision, vibe and why I selected him. He was very quiet and thoughful. I told him about (Martha) my previous experience, the pushback on my imagery and the comment about "healing issues." He frowned and said, "That's not true. I feel she insulted you and your age. That made me uncomfortable. If they didn't want to do the tattoo, they should have been honest. Of course, you can get a black crow tattoo - it's all dependent on your pain level and location." I fell a little in love with him. He even asked me about the emotion and meaning of this tattoo. I immediately said, "Rage. Women are so filled with rage, especially now. Power, anger, sexy. A political statement. Telling everyone to F-CAW-F!" He sagely nodded and seemed to relax. I think I passed a test.

I did my homework and came prepared with everything Lee expected of a client. You're welcome.

We eventually went back to his table area so I could show him my Power Point (I should have added punk music). He listened and gave positive feedback. He showed me many of his images that applied to what I'd already described. I even got a little flushed while chatting and he asked if I was okay and did I need water or anything. I just said I was overly stimulated. I loved his concern and a smidge embarrassed - but told him I was nervous, excited and that I would be fine. No smelling salts needed. We talked about taking care of the tattoo. He was very adamant that I follow all his directioins. I said, "I'm OCD. I love directions!" He talked about taking care of his mom, so his schedule was somewhat limited but flexible - all predicated on her care. I fell in love with him a little more. Once we were getting close to making a commitment to each other - $$ - he told me that he wished he didn't have to charge for tattoos - because it was so personal and meaningful and that he loved doing his art. I believed him. He is the most Zen person I have ever met. I fell madly in love. I had found my forever tattoo artist. It may only be a contest of 2 but I have a tattoo artist pageant winner and it is Lee.

My advice - Always Listen To Your Gut! Ignore all the white noise.

My first session with Lee is this Friday. He approved my upper arm location (less painful) and traced the tat area - which he believes is plenty of space. He had some really good thoughts that aligned with my vision. He will do detailed feathers and angry flight movement. He will contour my F-CAW-F on the upper shoulder. He may include clouds to further tell the story of flight. I felt so relaxed and content with my decision that I feel whatever this tattoo guru decides artistically, will be perfect. I can let go of my OCD and give him artistic license because I trust him. He told me to go to his instagram page to see more of his work. He is f*cking amazing. Oh, BTW, he cursed once and apologized - and I told him, "Please, I curse like a f*cking sailor." We also touched on politics and he told me that we'll have plently of time to expand on that conversation while he tats. Even Ed was impressed.

The image that captured my attention and imagination

I emailed an abbreviated version of my original power point to Lee and also asked if I could take pictures during our session for my blog. He texted me to ask if we could talk by phone - because he's old fashioned and likes to converse rather than through emotionless texts/emails. Just another reason why I feel I've made an excellent decision. I can also take photos - although he is shy - of his/my process - but be cognizant of other customers/tattooists privacy. He appreciated my asking. I appreciated his appreciation!

I will continue this adventure into my next Tattoo Blog. Part III. I'm nervous but excited about festooning my old(er) body with artwork! Less images this Blog. I'm waiting to chronicle the event for Tattoo Blog Part III.

If anyone would like to share their foible(s) or Tattoo Designs and experiences or aging mishaps - we could commiserate on our peculiarities , sick humor and frustrations - with an open forum of like-minded challenged adults. No shaming on this blog!!

If you want even more info on life, menopause, aging and other fun observations – not only check out my book but I have 44 more blogs that go into all sorts of funny and informative crap about being a woman of many years, experiences and observations . My doctor appointment and middle child blogs are a hoot!! It’s better to educate with honesty, horror, humility and humor than remain silent. 

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