The Mighty & Amazing Alvarado Square Ladies Group - You are not alone!

Although for some of us (I mean me) – I use the term “Ladies” loosely!

Colleen and Tatertot on a hike!

You are not alone! Sorry, that sounds a bit creepy!

My husband calls us the “Un-Real Housewives of Alvarado Square!”

During COVID my husband was working out of town for about 8 months. He works in film and sometimes must go where the work is – but never too far away. We live in Baltimore and he was working in Virginia – so too long a commute to be at home every night. He took our camper -“Gullible’s Travels”- rather than staying at a hotel. (BTW – I’ll be posting about GT in a later blog. I'm the one who named GT and appropriately so!!)

I was working full time in a ghost town. My boss found a Covid work-around, so we had to go into the studio every day. During this time, we lost one of our dogs to cancer (my sweet baby Bob A. Licious). My husband and I decided to get a puppy to be a companion to our 15-year-old dog who was used to having a mate. So, I was training a crazy border collie puppy and assisting a mild-mannered elderly border collie up and down stairs. I fell deeper and deeper into depression during this isolation. I missed Ed and was exhausted working 10 hours a day and up all night with a puppy who needed to pee every 15 minutes. I found myself crying at odd and random moments throughout the day and night. My poor pets were very confused by my behavior and tried to console me, but I wasn't cooperating. I had to sleep in the guest room while Ed was away because my old puppy had a hard time with stairs. Sleeping in the guest also made me sad and I kept filling up the little garbage full of my tears (see pix). My cat chose to help me by shredding the much sought after Toilet Paper (remember how hard it was to find TP during COVID!!!!!). I had to change the way I put it on the roller (Under - the WRONG way) because she was shredding it daily. Toilet paper was precious during COVID so I would scoop up the shredded remains and use them to wipe because I was NOT going to waste it!! If you knew me - that alone should have set off alarm bells that I was not myself!

I got absolutely no support at work. I appreciated wearing masks to hide how I really felt. Just make sure your eyes go dead! My under-my-breath mumbling was also very unclear with the mask on - so I said whatever I felt. They didn't listen to me anyway!

I attempted to lift my mood by changing my hairstyle. I stopped dyeing it in the hopes that COVID would turn it gray and cool like my sisters. No such luck! I'll be doing an entire blog on hair in the future!!!

My husband was very worried about me because I couldn’t stop crying. Luckily, I have a wonderful neighbor, Debbie, who was working from home and helped me out with the puppies. I also got a dog-walkers name from a neighbor who also assisted me a few days a week. It really helped – but the crying continued.

Garbage Can of Tears!

Once the film shoot was completed and my husband home – I thought all was back to normal – even though COVID was still rampant. But it wasn’t.

Eventually, we decided that I should quit my job or lose my mind. The decision was easy – I quit my job of 21 years. This will also be a future post.

Once I gave my notice and fulfilled the 2-month obligation – I was finally released from my shackles and working at home as a freelancer. I immediately started writing my book, Menopause the Horror, Humility, and Humor of It All and researching how to publish or self-publish. It also gave me time to be with my family who lived near DC (with COVID restrictions, of course). I began recovery and started feeling more like Colleen as a human being rather than as an old sobbing workhorse.

I tend to be a loner and yet very social when put in a social environment. I’m an oxymoron. Making friends is challenging for me – but I desperately wanted to be more available to have options – putting myself outside my OCD comfort zone and gaining much needed friends. My book is a personal manifesto to not only put myself out there in naked detail - but to also make connections and be available to all the women who want to talk about their menopause and life changes. To talk about anything that’s making their lives less meaningful or less easy – or even better – to talk about how fantastic their lives have become. This book has helped me to shatter my status quo and alter my tiny universe.

My puppy - Tate R. Tot - who is now a teenager – gets walked a couple times a day to sniff and pee on things. We have a lovely street – filled with nice neighbors, dogs/cats and children. Everyone gets to chat while walking their dogs. Pets are a wonderful icebreaker. I know dog names more than I know the owner’s names!! I also got to know a couple neighbors when I took a face-plant right in front of them. The first time was on a wintry day. As my puppy pulled me down the street, I saw a neighbor outside with her dog and my dog-walker – chatting and waving at me. As I raised my arm to wave back – I ended up face down on the sidewalk. That initiated a long conversation about my inability to train my puppy and to remain on my feet. The second time was my own fault. I was approaching a young neighbor who was outside with her little babies and I energetically waved at the kids and woke up, once again, face down, tasting cement. I didn’t pass out or anything – I just pretended that I did to maintain a scrap of sympathy and dignity. At least everyone had a good laugh at my expense – because my body was un-injured (my ego was clearly injured). I was happy to have a conversation with another human being other than myself! All worth it! I now know it's hazardous for me to wave.

So, as I got to know my neighbors more, they were shocked to find out that Ed and I have lived here for 26 years. That made me feel a bit sad and embarrassed that I’d been so isolated from my community. But it’s all worked out.

One of my neighbors knows everyone on the street. She’s fantastic and always reaches out, cares for others and has become the community organizer of block parties. Laura started a “Woman’s Night” once a month and gradually added me to the growing list of the Alvarado Square Ladies Group. I was honored to be asked. My first time attending was while I was in the midst of editing my book and drawing illustrations for each chapter. I was at the height of my intensity about menopause and spewed my pent-up obsession all over her dining room table and guests. Laura was thrilled that I brought up such a “Hot” topic and we laughed uproariously at my horrific tales of menopausal angst. I became part of the group that night and have looked forward to our once a month get together with much enthusiasm. We all bring a sweet or savory snack and drink of choice. We talk and scream and laugh until way past my bedtime (8:30pm)!

I can’t say enough about the importance of a fellowship of hormonally challenged women. Of course, we have a sorority of all ages – from 30 to 60 +. So, just a few of us are hormonally challenged. It’s healthy to have this mix of generations. We all learn so much from each other. I’m humbled by all their stories. This is a Sisterhood of Change. Sometimes I share and sometimes I just like to listen. It’s so empowering to be surrounded by such marvelous people. I cherish their support.

This group came at such a pivotal time – because all my family that lived nearby in DC – decided to move back to Maine – en masse. When I was told of their decision – I raced back into my rabbit hole of pain and tears. My new friends helped me to crawl back into the light and I thank them for it.

They are all excited about my book. When I tell them little snippets – they roar with laughter and want me to start a Podcast! I’d like to but currently lack the knowledge and tech. I also hate my voice on tape. Doesn’t everybody hate their voice on tape – except Morgan Freeman? If I did do a Podcast, it would have to be a Crime-cast – "Menopause Murdered My Hormones!!! This is a "Hot" case!"

I highly recommend every woman be a part of a well-rounded group. Thank God for Laura taking the initiative. Also, I’m thankful that we all want to be together and maintain a competitive-free environment. BIG SHOUT OUT TO THE ALVARADO SQUARE LADIES!!

Let me know if you have a similar group that you hang out with – I’d love to hear all about it!

Another group of women that really helped and inspired me was The Ethel Circle. I found it through AARP. It’s women only and what a phenomenal group!! I’m tentatively feeling like I’m making friends all over the country.

“Old Age is not a defeat, but a victory, not a punishment, but a privilege.” Dr. Ethel Percy Andrus Quote (founder of AARP)

The Ethel AARP newsletter and blog forum has been a necessary group for my mental and physical health. Hearing all the stories and advice is so positive and life affirming. We are not alone and we are NOT invisible. We have relevance in this tiny world. It’s a safe space discussing women’s issues and concerns and personal journeys. I have a mini–Ethel Community that has changed my life and helped with my negative outlook. Every woman should have a “woman’s group” to talk about private thoughts and concerns – and a support system that is not family or best friends – a form of therapy.

I really encourage you to check out The Ethel online or join The Ethel Circle on Facebook. I recently posted about re-inventing myself with the book and the monster marketing that I now face with my book being published. I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed and wrote a post hoping to get a little hug. Instead, I got an Atomic Hug from a huge community of Super-Women. I cried with joy and humility! Everyone was full of advice, positive words and had my back. I am tearing up just typing this. I am so glad I joined!

I also want to say, “Thank You!!!” to my Beta Testers. They were so kind to read my book and give me feedback. They're all listed in my book and deserve a big “MENO-PLAUSE!”

Mom – Noreen McIntosh

Sister – Bridget McIntosh

Brother – Scott McIntosh

Sister-in-law – Sharon McIntosh

Niece – Dani Wolland

Niece’s Pug – Monkey

Husband – Ed Slater

Friend – Jamie Meadows

Friend – Renee Comet

Friend – Carolyn Robb

Friend & Hair Stylist – Scott Figgins

Another big Thank You goes to:

Richard Johnson – neighbor and photo shopper of my illustrations (we met for the first time when I needed help on sizing my illustrations properly for publishing). When you see my illustrations, you’ll understand how this might not be the best way to meet a new (male) neighbor! He was a trooper and did a fantastic job!

You can think of my book as an Adult Coloring Book – when you’re feeling particularly stressed and sad – just pull out your kids crayons and go to town on my illustrations. I don’t mind you raging on my avatar – I would have loved an outlet like this.

I really hope you’ll become a part of my community. I would love to hear your stories, without any editing, please. I can handle anything!

Share with your Friends, Family and even total Strangers! Also, I hope you’ll read my new book Menopause the Horror, Humility, and Humor of It All!!! It's on Pre-sale in all the major Book Retailers Now! Go to my Book Page and order from your retailer of choice!

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog!

Let’s be Friends!!!

Colleen McIntosh