Memory Expiration Date - Menopause! Memory Loss and Menopause

“Did you ever stop to think and forget to start again?” A.A. Milne Quote

He should have been a woman!

How I look after I've forgotten a "word"!

Why did I walk into this room? My husband Ed says, “To brighten it up!” Very sweet, but I don’t think the word “Bright” is accurate. We all have moments of forgetting a word or name or what we just did 5 minutes ago – but cognition can be a scary thing. My grandfather and father had dementia and it was very sad and hard to watch such vibrant men become confused, angry, frustrated and depressed. I think I see my future and it arrived earlier than planned.

As my father was declining our phone calls became very interesting and challenging. If he answered his phone – we would play a “Who am I?” game for the first couple minutes. I would always begin with, “Hi Dad! It’s your daughter Colleen.” If he didn’t acknowledge me right away – I would then say, “Do you know who I am?” If he answered, “Hmmmm…sniff sniff…do you smell something?” I would groan and laugh out loud. Only then did I know he was aware of who he was talking to. My father gave me a nickname when I was a baby. He hated changing diapers because it made him gag. Apparently, I was particularly “spicy” in the smell department. So, he nicknamed me “Stinky!” The name stuck throughout my entire life unfortunately. I'm so sad to say - my father passed away last February at 91 – but his legacy nickname lives on in perpetuity!!! Thank you very much DAD! BTW – every time my father called me, he would say, “Hi Colleen, it's your father.” He could never quite grasp the caller ID phenomenon!

At my last GP appointment, I had a list of concerns that needed addressing. But when I got to the phrase ”Memory Loss and Menopause" on my list – I froze and chose denial instead of getting a referral for a neurological or psychiatric exam. I don’t know exactly what occurs in a dementia test – but I’ll just pretend that I forgot to ask my doctor and blame menopause on the memory lapse!!! It’s the ole, “What I don’t know won’t hurt me logic.”

My Memories!!! Fact or Fiction?

It doesn’t’ matter if it’s true or not – it’s what I remember! How I remember! Is it wrong? I don’t think so. If you play the game “Rumor” by whispering a short rumor into someone’s ear and then they pass it along to the next person, etc. etc. – that rumor doesn’t resemble the original one at all! I equate my personal stories to this Rumor game – what I remember can be a completely different “rumor” to the other participants. It happens all the time when I’m with family and relate a story from my past. My mother or brother will pipe up and say, “Colleen, you are completely wrong. That’s not what happened.” I whole-heartedly believe that I am not wrong – I just remember it differently. Memory is subjective and my memories don’t always mesh with other family members, husband, friends, etc. My husband thinks I “embellish” our stories – but do I? In my mind everything is embellished and magnified! That’s just how my brain and personality work. It’s the same story – but told by ME!! I’ve never denied my melodrama and flair for the sensational! I was an actress for crying out loud!!! Practically everything I do is a performance and I expect applause!

I’m a middle child of 5 – second girl.

1. Sister

2. Brother

3. ME

4. Brother

5. Brother

My memories never sync with my other siblings or parents – but I believe, as a middle child, my stories are absolutely true in my teeny tiny yet spectacular universe. Middle children go through life as if they are on LSD 24/7. Our memories are all “Magical Mystery Stories” because that’s how we get through life as “Not quite as good as the First Child/Daughter or Second Child/Son.” I’ve never done LSD – but I think I know it’s effects!!!

I’ve decided at 64 (almost Medicare age) – that I don’t give a rat’s ass if my stories are different from others. It’s what I remember and I’m sticking to it!!

Another thing that menopause and memory loss affects is forgetting "common words!" Recently, I started calling every object, “You know, that thingamajig or thingy?” I figured with those words and hand signals my husband would understand what I was talking about. “Thingy” covered just about every forgotten word! My husband disagreed and said, “Use your words!” After about the 20th time he said that to me I finally paid attention (I mean remembered) and attempted to use the real word even if it took a long time to dig it out of the cobwebs that’s become my brain. Of course, that lengthy pause just further irritated him. This is coming from a man who said to me with a wink/nudge/nudge, “I like things that are broken in.” What am I – a saddle? I think he needs to use different words when referring to me sometimes. Thank god I love him.

I mention in my book that if you forget a word, just say, “What was that British word?” It sounds so much smarter and who doesn’t love a British accent!!!

I have noticed that along with the memory loss, is the inability to multi-task. I used to be a multi-tasking lunatic when I was working. It was part of my genius. I remembered everything as I juggled 20 different tasks at the same time and never dropped that proverbial ball. But when I retired from that over-stressed and underpaid environment – I must have given my brain permission to perform single tasks only and erased my hard-drive of the ability to do more. Now I’m working part time as a freelance Production Manager from home, writing, publishing, marketing (or talking about marketing a lot) and doing all the normal “chores” that keeps the home running smoothly. I’m finding it’s all overwhelming! To add more to the “overwhelming”, I have an author website, multiple social media accounts for my book and personal pleasure and I also keep adding to the list because everyone keeps telling me that I need to do even more in order to become a successful writer and “trendy” human being! It’s a multi-tasking conundrum and pain in the ass!! So, the problem now is that I’m multi-tasking just as much as when I had a full time job but can’t maintain focus or enjoy it. I’m a bit OCD (which means a lot) and find myself searching for a Post-it note so I can write down all the things I need to get done in any given day but can never complete. When I get up in the morning, I find 20 Post-it’s, pages of written notes and my daily diary piled near my laptop – realizing that I had repeated all my tasks/to-dos on various pieces of paper and that nothing has been crossed off from previous day(s). The word “Daunting” keeps popping in my head. I end up getting a little lightheaded, swig down a vat of iced coffee, grab a pen and pad and start all over again from scratch. I’m sure this is a definition for crazy!

My only solutions to this memory issue are:

A. Meditating – you must clear those cobwebs at least once a day. It calms you so you don't care that your memory is fading.

B. Lion’s Mane - for Cognition – vitamin made with “magical” mushroom properties to assist some brain cells that have been murdered over the years – sort of like a “Frankenstein” method of shocking your brain into animation again. I’t’s a mushroom dietary supplement that may help with cognition function or Alzheimer's.

C. Doctor visit – you should also consult a doctor who theoretically knows how to help you with your cognitive deficiencies. Keep asking questions if they give you the “You’re getting Old” answer. They have medical degrees on their office wall to help you with menopause and memory loss!

Good Luck!!!

I “think” I hate getting old sometimes!

I really hope you’ll become a part of my community. I would love to hear your stories, without any editing, please. I can handle anything!

Share with your Friends, Family and even total Strangers! Also, I hope you’ll read my new book Menopause the Horror, Humility, and Humor of It All!!! Coming out soon!

FYI – my book has an illustration with every chapter. I purposefully used minimal accent colors with most of my illustrations. I recommend you pull out some crayons and color me in with your colors of choice. Vent all your inner angst on me!

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog!

Let’s be Friends!!!

Colleen McIntosh