Menopausal in Headlights! Marketing my Book is Hard!

Marketing my Book is really HAAAAARD!!!

Naked menopausal woman holding sagging boobs!

Publishing my book, marketing my book and myself is like a Naked 64-year-old Menopausal in Headlights!

You can never un-see that image! My soft cover book and my eBook are on Pre-Sale in all the big retail bookstores – launch date 11/21/23. Coming up really soon - in time for the holiday shopping!! Fantastic!!! But now comes yet another hurdle – marketing my book and myself.

First, let’s start with some fun facts about publishing my book and the massive learning curve. Olympic hurdles I never anticipated. I have already mentioned the decades of journaling about my menopause and aging woes. I began seriously writing my first book at 63. As I meditated on this adventure, the following phrase popped up often – “What was I f**king thinking!!!!”

Finding a publisher/agent quickly turned into, “I don’t have that many years left – so let’s research self-publishing companies – and do it myself!” It took a very long time to find the right fit. I researched my ass off. I eventually selected Bookbaby.

The euphoria of seeing my dream come true and the life-sapping lows when I feared it wasn’t possible kept me up at night. It was labor intensive and became my new full-time job. The pressure of reinventing myself again – a woman of my age - discovering how little tech knowledge I possessed (lacked) - was daunting. Up to this point in time, social media was only a venue for keeping in touch with family and friends – not marketing my book and myself!! I experienced total Analysis Paralysis!

I am a Baby Boomer – that pariah of generation tropes. I envy the Millennials, Gen-Xers, etc. because they are used to information overload. Their brains are genetically predisposed to sifting out overwhelming quantities of data every moment of every day. My 11-month-old great-niece showed me things on my iPhone and iWatch that I had no idea existed. I know a lot of Boomers (myself included) who have a finite amount that we can comprehend without curling into a womb-like position crying for our mommy. This is how I felt about publishing and marketing my book during my lows. I wanted my mommy and daddy to make the boomer-boogieman go away.

So, like all women do, we pull up our big-girl panties and persevere.

I’m not that stupid and realized that asking questions is also not stupid. So, I asked a lot of questions. The self-publishing company I worked with was very helpful, patient and always available. I really appreciated all the people I worked with at BookBaby. Especially Christina Ellis, who always called or emailed with answers or directed me to the right person. I like to think we became friends. I quickly realized that I was the creative director on all the stages of publishing. It was an education on how hard it is to publish a book.

I’ve got a new appreciation for this industry and all the people who work in it – from writers to publishers to distributers to readers. I look at books so differently now. Not only do I avidly read for pleasure, but I scrutinize the entire book. I study the cover and choices the author and publisher made. I look at every page with new insight. I reflect on their choice of font and each title page – their dedication, author bio, sentence structure, choice of phrase – on and on while being absorbed into the author’s narrative. It has changed the way I read. Crazy and wonderful at the same time.

A couple examples of creative decisions were selecting the fonts for my book. It’s not as simple as you think. They suggest you look at other authors in your genre (humor) and study their choice of font, cover design, layout, etc. I pulled one from my bathroom that I think is funny and about a topic near and dear to my heart called – “What’s Your Poo Telling You?” by Josh Richman and Anish Sheth, M.D. Obviously perfect toilet reading! Also, there are similarities between Poop and Menopause – inevitable but rarely discussed publicly. I selected Cooper Black for my title fonts. It evokes humor despite the serious topic. I also liked that they used cartoon illustrations like I chose to do. This poop book was my guide as I made publishing decisions.

I write in my book about doing my own illustrations. Artistic qualified family can be harsh! After much encouragement from my husband, niece and sister my avatar appeared before me and I followed her design throughout each chapter (as best I could - not being a professional graphic artist). The cover was going to be my “Mood Swing” image -

Don't F**k with me fellas. I'm a woman on the edge!

but morphed into something more appropriate to my subject matter. I’m a King Kong fan and one day it popped in my head that my menopausal avatar rampaging on the Empire State Building was a very appropriate book cover. I immediately drew the image and made my husband laugh out loud which solidified my decision!

Queen Congleen should be a menopausal movie!

Queen Congleen rampaging about Meopause!

Hormonally challenged woman destroys Manhattan – metaphorically speaking. BTW – adding illustrations and captions is, once again, not as easy as one would think. That particular segment of my book publishing journey involved many proof rejections before they got it right. I can’t even talk about the eBook version. eBooks are not illustration/caption friendly.

I also felt passionate about adding blank pages at the end of my book for my readers to journal about their own menopause stories. It was not easy convincing them that this was a good idea. Unfortunately, the eBook once again was unable to accommodate some of my requests.

I should write a book about writing a book!!!

A great example of one of my book proof corrections was for Chapter 14 Inner Plumbing. I asked them to move the “Farts” section up to the top of page 45 which would then allow them to move the “Poops” section to the top of page 46. Even I laughed out loud how absurd this sounded and hope I made the “Wacky Proof Corrections” wall of fame!!

Fart & Dart! Inner Plumbing!

As you can see - my illustration for this chapter says it all!! I had only a nano-second of embarrassment before realizing that Menopause is a messy topic – so everyone should just deal with it!!

My illustrations needed photoshopping to meet publishing specs. I was not qualified to do this. I found out at my women’s group that my neighbor’s husband could help me out with the corrections. So, I ran with it and we set up time for him to come over to look at the project. I spread out all my very personal drawings to explain what I needed him to do without considering the fact that we’d never met. As I showed him the horizontal image of my spread legs with a tumbling tumbleweed bounding happily along – I began describing what this image represented – which was my “Dried Up Old Bush.”

Dried Up Old Bush! The Arid Desert!

I slowly turned my head to him and he very calmly (without expression) said, “I get it.” I kept on talking as if this wasn’t awkward at all. After that image, the others seemed pale in comparison.

Now back to the main topic - Marketing My Book is Hard! Bending over forwards to sell my book (yes, I meant to say forwards) was never my intent. Menopause is such a "HOT" topic right now, you'd think marketing would be easy!!

I knew I’d have to market my book and myself – but at 64 (already signed up for Medicare) – I became overwhelmed at how to sell my book and more importantly sell myself! One of the problems in our current world – is being proficient in technology and also be relevant. Meaning, that marketing is no longer going door to door or writing letters – but having 1 million followers on a social platform. My tiny head hurts from all the pressure and the “paralysis analysis.” I’m expected to learn everything a 25-year-old grew up intuitively knowing and expected to learn it fast. I also don’t have tons of expendable income to hire someone else to do it for me. A Catch 22. So, to be a successful author, you must be able to market yourself. But you need to know how to market yourself, to be a successful author. Makes me very tired!

Crazy woman's marketing plan

The rage of Queen Conglleen is real. Haven’t we all just wanted to climb that Empire State Building and beat our chests with the unfairness of it all!! Well, that’s how I feel about marketing my book – Menopause the Horror, Humility, and Humor of It All!!! Everyone I talk to has wonderful advice, but it’s information I already know. The “HOW” is what I’m concerned about. Please someone tell me how I reach the famous people – actresses and influencers – for example:

Jamie Lee Curtis (sent her a message)

Naomi Watts (sent her a message)

Michelle Obama

Drew Barrymore Show (sent her a message)

Kelly Clarkson Show

Oprah Winfrey – The Life You Want – Menopause Panel

ETC.

I am following a lot of them on social media and trying to respond to posts in a positive way and contributing to the story – but I’m one voice out of thousands and thousands. I just don’t want to be labeled as a “menopausal stalker.”

I have an innate fear of promoting myself. You'd think as an ex-actress I'd be good at this sort of thing - but I was terrified of auditioning and preforming. I used to tremble uncontrollably and sweat and feel faint until I started performing. Then I was on a roll and thrilled to be entertaining the audience. Now, doing photos or videos makes me uncomfortable. Reading aloud for a group of people makes me choke up. Does anyone like the sound of their own voice on tape? Does anyone think they look fantastic on video? I’m considering investing in anti-aging technology to cover up the turkey wattle and sagging jowls! I don’t want to look like a 12-year-old, but 50 would be fantastic!!

Speaking of technology - I’m apparently a Human EMP!!! Electro Magnetic Pulse is a “wave” of radiation, like the sun or a bright flash, but on a crazy lady frequency. I bring this up because I have been known (accused) of taking down computers, websites, phones and balloons. Crazy follows me everywhere. I’ll tell you the eerie story pertaining to balloons.

When I was prepping to marry my first time, I had a house full of family hanging out and under my fraught feet. We were getting married in our courtyard at our home in PA. I was planning the whole event – so I was running around project managing (OCDing) the vendors - tent, flooring, chairs, etc. while also checking in on rehearsal dinner, caterer, flower delivery, guests, hotel, musicians, Rabbi, weather, on and on checklist for the big day that should never have happened. I needed balloons for decorating some chairs and posts – so I needed a lot of balloons. I recruited my family to set up in the living room and they filled that large space with balloons – everywhere!! I ran in to check on their progress and saw my mom and mother-in-law sitting on the couch chatting away but not blowing away. As I floated through a cloud of pink and white – my mother-in-law, true to obnoxious form, starting squawking at me about nothing important but blaming me for whatever that was and I tuned her out while my fury was amassing into total meltdown. I did an about-face, ignoring her criticism and proceeded to retrace my steps and get the hell away from her mouth. As I walked through the balloons, they began to “POP” as I brushed by them. Everyone in the room froze and watched me with some curiosity and a little fear. As my EMP burst balloons, my M-I-L kept on screeching to stop popping all the balloons she’d blown up. If I could have popped that blowhard I would have!! On the wedding day I burst a couple while walking down the aisle as I approached the Chuppah. My witch of a M-I-L yelled at me to stop with the balloon popping and slapped my arm in front of all of our guests. The Rabbi was horrified, but knew nothing about the balloons, my EMP or my demonic M-I-L. Why I didn’t just turn around and walk out is beyond me. That was just one example of why I shouldn’t have married this man and his family from the underworld. That will be a future blog.

Sorry, I digressed. Anyway, just imagine what I can do with a computer!!

I have received a lot of great marketing advice and listed below are some of the sources and suggestions and my own research ideas:

1. My Alvarado Square Woman’s group & Family - do a podcast – they think my storytelling is hilarious! Contacting local news stations and local print media. Visiting local indie bookstores to sell my book. All good suggestions!

2. Ethel Circle Group – tons of suggestions and author friends who will share their marketing tips.

3. Mom – doing a reading at her local library in my hometown. Unfortunately, it was during my visit for Dad’s (memorial) celebration of life party. I wasn’t thinking about marketing during that visit. She meant well.

4. Marketing services – tons of people asking to assist me in my marketing campaigns – but certainly not out of the goodness of their hearts. Obviously, I’m looking into some of these offers, but must consider cost and reputation.

5. Famous actresses who have talked about Menopause and Aging.

6. Influencers – Book Tok, Instagram, Facebook, Blog Communities.

7. Authors who have similar subject matters and open to collaborating.

8. Talk Show Hosts who are interested in Women Topics.

9. Author/Book Promotion/Writer Communities – There are many groups on all social platforms that have tons of advice. I have joined a few but have yet to fully commit to the plethora of information and joining the conversation. This is a big To Do on my lengthy list.

10. Posting on my Author Facebook, Instagram and Website – I have been posting on SM but need to up my game in my Pre-Sale period. I want to do a video of performing with my ukulele. I’ve changed the words to a song and it’s funny – but I’d like to do a major production. I asked Ed if some of his out-of-work-due-to-strike friends in the film industry could help me with my music video. Not happening – so it's just me and my phone and the 2000 takes needed to get a sub-par 3-minute reel together. BTW - the out-takes are hilarious and lots of cursing!!

11. I’m keeping up with my blog about “Woman Things” and maintaining my message/voice – but need to gain more followers. Another conundrum. Please share with all your friends, family and total strangers.

12. Local Book Clubs – I have looked into some of these and already signed up for a meet-and-greet in October.

13. Book Signing – I’ve got one lined up at the newly renovated Barnes & Noble on the Avenue in White Marsh, MD on 12/2/23 at 2pm (please come visit me!!!). I stopped by once they opened. A young woman was signing her children’s books and she was very kind and told me it wasn’t easy to get into B&N, but it might help by telling them that I’m local. So, I talked to an employee and they gave me the manager’s email address. It was a really weird email, but I immediately wrote them about book signing. No response. Ed and I went back a couple weeks later. I was dressed in my cleaning clothes because it was an unplanned visit. I wandered off to the Humor Section to gaze longingly at the spot where my book would ultimately be on the shelf. I took a pix of where my book would be and it will sort of be close to David Sedaris

Barnes & Noble Humor Section - M is close to S - Right?

– my humorist hero!! I wandered some more and saw a woman with a nametag and earbuds organizing some books on a table and without thinking said, “Hi. I assume you work here since you are wearing a name placard and have an earpiece.” She said, “Yes. Otherwise, I would be really weird.” I burst out laughing and said, “I’d like you even more if you weren’t an employee!” She burst out laughing and asked what I needed. I told her I was an author and that my book would be in B&N on November 21. I then mentioned that I was taking pictures of the Humor section to show everyone where my book would be located (see pix). She burst out laughing again because of my off-beat behavior. She asked the name of my book and immediately looked it up in their system. She burst out laughing again when she saw my cover illustration. I told her that I drew all my own illustrations which really impressed her. I then mentioned that I’d love to do a book signing in their store. She stopped what she was doing and told me to follow her. She pointed out that the store had a weird email address and wanted me to follow up ASAP. I said that I’d already emailed but got no response – only to find out from her that I was given the wrong weird email. We chatted for a while and bonded and she said that she was the one who decided who got to do a book signing. I emailed the minute I got home and she responded in kind. I credit meeting someone with the same "weird" sense of humor as myself for getting into B&N. Ask me what’s the most important thing about comedy? Timing! (This is an old joke and you’re supposed to say the word “Timing” before they finish the question. Get it???). I unknowingly timed that B&N visit!

14. Snug Books – local indie bookstore – is located very close to me and highly recommended - so I stopped in - my book in hand. They seemed a bit surprised. I think I broke some “author rule” by coming in unannounced. I found out later that there were rules to approaching indie bookstores. No worries. I made a joke about my book not belonging in the kid section which made them smile and left. They told me to fill out an application on their website – which I did. I’m waiting to hear if I’m invited to the local author book event held every first Friday of each month. Cross fingers.

15. Love That – local eclectic shop – is located very close to me and in an area that Ed and I often frequent. I’ve purchased numerous gifts and cards in Love That. Ed and I popped in one day to buy some cards and we both noticed that the large antique table as you enter the store was covered in books! I started chatting with the woman behind the counter about my book and if the owner was open to selling said book. We had a lovely conversation and she took down my info and told me to stop by the next day when the owner was in. I came back the next day. Fin Fox, the owner, was in the back room and the store unattended. I wandered around like I normally do – admiring the adorable cat bed/nooks. Handmade and really cute. Eventually Fin came out with her phone to ear. She knew who I was but had a long important call and asked me to come back the next day. Third times the charm. We came to an agreement and I left her 6 books with a nice thank you card with all my info.

Love That in Belvedere Square - Books on Sale!

Fin told me that I had to check in with her on book sales. I asked if I could call numerous times every day. She’s super chill and said, “Sure. If you must.” Of course, I did not ruin that relationship right off the bat and plan on ghosting her for a while to pique her interest. I’ll call end of week and hope she’s sold all of them and begging me for more. Cross fingers!

16. Menopause Café – pop-up cafes - that take the stigma out of menopause and ageism by getting together and talking about menopause with their tea, coffee and scones – located in Scotland and growing. Their message of “You Are Not Alone” is a familiar chant in my book. I read about them in People Magazine and started following them on FB & Instagram. I got up the nerve to send them a message via Insta and was told to email due to their influx of messages. I emailed and talked about my menopausal journey, book and how we share the same passionate message. I quickly got a reply to both Insta and email from Rachel Weiss, the founder of this charity/non-profit organization. She was very interested in my book and I’ll be sending her a few copies to be given as door prizes at their next #FlushFest in 2024 (Love the name of this event!!!). I’m very excited about this community and I'm looking into hosting my own Café event in the US. Apparently, they have spread the message to our shores!! As I like to say, "Saving the Universe one Hot Flash at a Time!!"

17. Swag – tees and coffee mugs – is another marketing strategy I have. I’d love to sell tee shirts and coffee mugs with all my illustrations/captions as well as the plethora of humorous joke/sayings/quotes I’ve been jotting down for a couple decades. Walking and talking billboards!!

Let's end on a funny story while at the airport. I was flying to Maine for my Dad’s life celebration party and family reunion a couple weeks ago. I arrived very early for my flight and found a remote seat to chill out and mediate on how much I miss my Dad. The waiting area seats quickly started filling up and I always hit the bathroom a few times prior to getting on board a plane. I was surrounded at this point and grabbed my bags and left my warm seat - knowing I’d lose it. When I came back, I was surprised to see it still vacant. The young man next to me kept glancing over at me and finally blurted out, “Excuse me. My partner and I have to ask – are you Terry Gross? I said, “No. But I love Fresh Air and NPR!!!” He said, “You look just like her! You’re even dressed like her! When you walked away, we were convinced that you were her and wearing a mask to protect your identity! So, we saved your seat.” I said, “Really? Thank you! Then maybe I AM Terry Gross!” We had a fun conversation until the SW cattle car got herded onto the plane. It was a nice compliment! I’m not Terry Gross but at least they thought I looked like an educated celebrity!!! I even said to them, “Do you think I can get an upgrade?”

Give me this day, my Daily Beg! Help an old lady out and help me promote my book!!

Share with your Friends, Family and even total Strangers! I recommend you purchase the soft cover book during Pre-Sale for the preferred reading experience! I have pages at the end of the book for you to add your own menopausal journey!

I really hope you’ll sign up and become a part of my community. I would love to hear your stories, without any editing, please. I can handle anything!

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog!

Let’s be Friends!!!

Colleen McIntosh