Senior Moments! – Menopause/Aging and “Mental” Health

A movie about Menopause and Mental Heath - gone horribly wrong!

"Whatever Happened To Baby Jane" was one of my favorite movies - I was a huge Bette Davis fan. (Thank you Bette for "All About Eve.") She was the Queen of BadAss! Her co-star, Joan Crawford, made for a delicious team of crazy-ass b**ch-fest for this black comedy. (Thank you Joan Crawford for the biographical movie "Mommie Dearest." Best Mother's Day movie ever!!!)

I fondly remember relating to Baby Jane's psychotic plight during my menopausal odyssey. I felt a kinship with her - similar mental health issues, make-up catastrophes and homicidal inclinations - but no creepy dolls were ever made in my own image.

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane - with Creepy Doll cameos!

Thank god I worshiped my sister and only inflicted emotional torment periodically. I can guarantee you that Baby Jane had one hell-of-a menopausal journey!!!

Another satirical black comedy film that was mis-labeled is "Death Becomes Her." Two hormone-challenged women desperately and tragically holding on to their youth no matter the cost. I certainly relate to this movie. As a result of menopause - I frequently have a look of confusion and desperation - cursing my hormones for abandoning me to this cruel facial fate. I'd put "Thelma and Louise" into this mix - but consider them Perimenopausal. They took a different route and decided to go out in a "blaze" of glory before they completely deteriorated. Three must-see movies for any woman entering The Menopause.

There are many words in the English language (specifically American) that are downright confusing! One word can have many different meanings and contexts – sometimes as opposites.

For example: the word “Mental!”

Merriam-Webster:

1. Of or relating to the mind

Of or relating to intellectual as contrasted with emotional activity

Occurring or experienced in the mind – inner

Synonyms – cerebral, intellectual, reasoning, quick-witted

2.   Relating to or affected by a psychiatric disorder

Mentally unsound – mad/crazy

Of or relating to telepathic or mind-reading powers

Synonyms – psychotic, maniacal, insane, loony tunes

Mental means – sane and insane. I suppose there is often a fine line we walk! I've been known to teeter-totter between the two.

As I write this blog – my mind is awash with menopausal incidents/memories of being coherent and mindful one minute and then – BOOM! – screaming inside and wishing I could scream out loud for all to hear! I believe I may have slipped and vocalized a few times. Happy thoughts can turn in the blink of an eye if someone looks at you the wrong way. Singing in the car one minute and then rage-filled flipping of the proverbial bird seconds later at the idiot who just cut you off. We are creatures of our emotional heritage and environments at any given time. A lifetime of hurts and baggage that never goes away – but buries itself until needed (or not needed). Life is an emotional roller coaster which plays out in a loop-the-loop of mixed and deep-seated emotions (Speaking of roller coasters - I'm specifically referring to the one Ed and I rode in Williamsburg VA – Busch Gardens - called Alpengeist – absolutely terrifying). 

When your Period ends in a trickle and your Hormones decide to pack up and move - this is the beginning of your menopause and change of life. "Without balanced hormones - we are just hairy eunuchs with sagging boobs and an attitude!" (an excerpt from my book - Chapter 5 - Hormones: Or lack thereof...)

My husband calls them "Whore Moans" - sounds sexier!

Here's another snippet from my book - Menopause the Horror, Humility, and Humor of It All!!! - Chapter 3 - Mood Swings: Hide The Knives!

All women live on the edge during Menopause!

Often forced to be boring and professionally anemic—squelching all my natural vivacity one minute—then—Boom!!! The mood swing strikes and:d how long I’d been working—my rep

I’m dancing like Lord of the Dance for all attendees . . . or

I get deathly quiet and my blood-red beady blue eyes are just slits of pure disgust—praying that I can kill you with a wink and a prayer . . . or

Burst into tears.

Fun times!!!

At this point in menopause—when asked how long I’d been working—my reply was, “I’m 105 in Job Years!” Got a laugh every time.

When you experience The Menopause and begin the descent into (older) aging – your mental capacity to cope becomes traitorous and challenges your ability to think clearly and then hold on to that tenuous “Clear Thought.” You struggle to articulate your feelings and question your sanity. It affects each woman differently – but I know that my memory/ability to remain mentally sound – was affected by my change of life. Now my mental glitches are referred to as “Senior Moments!” This term deflates the seriousness of your concerns. Just like Menopause - it's not considered a "Real Health Issue." (Thank you menopause and age-biased society)

Below is another snippet from my book - Chapter 6 - Memory Loss: Huh?

As you get older - your house gets cleaner! Thank you Senior Moments!

Does lactose intolerance have anything to do with the “Brain Fart” phenomenon? Apparently, I’m lactose intolerant!

This chapter is hard to explain—because I keep forgetting what I wanted to say. Let’s put it in easy terms. Your memory sucks! Post-it notes are your friends.

You become proficient at pretending that you remember. Just nod in what you think are the appropriate moments. You could also do the following when you can’t remember a commonplace word—just say, “What was that British word?” It sounds smarter.

I believe my Senior Moments began in earnest when I turned 60. Most of us can remember when we were 30 years-old and considered anyone in the Sixth Decade – as ancient! Your organic brain-matter becomes addled and untrustworthy. Often, I’ll relate a story from my past and immediately be challenged to its authenticity. I’ve given up explaining and justifying my version. I prefer to hold on to that truth and believe in its genuineness to my last dying breath. F**k You and your sanctimonious criticism. I’m going to go down my own memory lane with my head held high and hope I don’t trip. 

For example – jotting down my stories and musings (like this blog) can be arduous. Remembering “words” are often problematic (I just looked up the synonyms for challenging and came up with problematic.) It’s okay to get help. I always learn something new or forgotten. 

We all expect to have memory-slippage as we hit certain birthday humps – but what used to be kind of cute when you walked into a room and stood with a look of befuddlement on your wrinkle-free adorable face – becomes a look of ghastly realization that you may have dementia and a reminder your face is slowly sagging below your chin line and way past the cute phase!

Put a bow in my hair and call me pretty!

 The menopausal and aging memory lapses and cover-ups have gradually increased over the years. Dementia runs in my family and never far from my fragile mind when I can’t find my phone – again!!! I’m getting tired of asking Ed to call me when he’s in the next room. When Ed starts talking about something that he clearly has already mentioned to me – my head frantically spins in a circle trying to find that memory bank filled with useless information that Ed wants me to recall. I don’t always find it – but I’ve gotten pretty good at responding with a couple good grunts and head nods that usually suffice. I can talk Primate pretty well. I get upset when I select a movie to watch with Ed and he reminds me that we saw it in the theatre. That’s a hard one to fake. I guess one positive that comes with selective memory loss is that I’ll be able to read all my favorite books repeatedly and save lots of money as well.

The effects that menopause has on our mental health is a scary and grave issue that needs addressing in the medical community. Hormone and memory loss are symptoms of Menopause – which is also the beginning of our body and mind aging - into a challenging healthcare phase. This can also lead to depression, paranoia, sleeplessness, disease, weight gain, anger, etc. Getting therapy is an inevitable key to navigating these changes. Getting cognitive tests to make sure it’s not a worse case scenario. Taking daily supplements to combat other issues occurring as a result of your concerns. Exercise is one of the best ways to get your hippocampus in shape and can benefit and improve many other issues. There is no magic pill - and thank god they no longer lobotomize "hysterical" women (I think??).

No one wants to be considered "Bonkers!" I speak from a lay-woman's point of view - not as a medical professional. However, I am skilled when it comes to Menopause - experienced in the art (agony) of change - and hope I can give a voice to those who suffer in silence.

Sleep is also vital for maintaining a healthy brain. This one is tough for me because I've never been proficient at - Sleep!

Chapter 4 - Sleeplessness: Sleepus Interruptus

I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead!

As I’ve already mentioned—I don’t sleep well. Since my childhood obsession with horror films and then hanging their movie posters on my bedroom wall thinking that was a good idea—to my adulthood anxiety over my every waking decision—sleep became my Sasquatch. Out of focus glimpses of a mythical “blissful night of sleep.” I’m too anxious and hyper a person to ever relax totally. Meditation helps—but apparently, drugs would help more.

During this delightful period (there’s that word again—Period!) of menopause—sleep was just angry. They should have called this, “Eight Hours (or in my case—Four Hours) of Tossing Disruptive Night Terrors in the Deep Blue Sweaty Sea!” My personal Moby Dick.

Hormone deficiency, mood swings, memory loss and sleeplessness were all manifestations of my menopause. I feel that humor is essential in maintaining balance and sanity. My biggest fear is losing my sense of humor.

I’ve recently learned about the National Menopause Foundation and The Menopause Research and Equity Act of 2023/Women’s Midlife Health Policy Institution Summit. What a wonderful, informative and inspirational organization. Thanks to my dear sweet friend Marie, I had the pleasure of meeting the founder, Claire Gill. It was like meeting a rock star! I was in awe of Claire’s conviction to helping women with their menopause metamorphosis. I can’t believe that I didn’t know about this advocacy community which educates women (and hopefully men) about menopause and aging. I’m humbled and embarrassed I just found this organization but relieved that I have a safe space to go and post my own menopause experiences plus correspond with so many women about theirs. We are a Sisterhood of Change.

Women entering “The Menopause” quickly realize the inequities that come with entering this phase of “Growing Older” and aging out of youth and relevancy by societies standards. The National Menopause Foundation was created with the commitment to encourage us that we are strong and vital to ourselves and our communities – as well as – alleviate our fears that we are no longer useful - but that growing older can be powerful. With wisdom comes great responsibility! As I like to say, “Just because you’re educated, doesn’t mean you’re smart!!” (another Colleen Tee-shirt quote) So many people have limited knowledge of menopause and how it affects women's mental health. As a result of this ignorance menopausal women often feel dehumanized, irrelevant and invisible. So we all need to be smart and support every woman facing the next phase in life. My admiration for women has grown exponentially as I've aged. We are a force of mother nature - and a force to be reckoned with. We are the stronger species - giving birth/life and then undergo the reverse which is menopause. Men have "Mid-life Crises." There solution is buying a Harley or 20-year-old sex-kitten. Women start foundations, write books and change the world.

What is the Mission of the National Menopause Foundation:

"Create a positive change in how people perceive, understand and experience Menopause through education, peer-to-peer support, activism and research."

https://nationalmenopausefoundation.org

I highly recommend that every woman sign up at the NMF - whatever age - to learn about menopause and support each other in navigating this change of life and living to the fullest.

I’m keeping this blog shorter because I will have Cataract Surgery in a couple days and my other eye a week later. I’ve already ordered my “Pirate Eye Patch” to amuse Ed and myself while I convalesce. I plan on doing a post on this Senior procedure with lots of pictures!! Ignore the old woman you see in the photos – that’s not me!

I’ve decided that I will no longer call my memory fumbles – Senior Moments. I will now refer to them as “Brain Farts” (gray matter lactose intolerance). To cure them, I'll just cut out cheese!

I don’t want to become a Knock-Knock Joke:

Knock Knock…

Who’s there?

Menopausal Colleen…

Menopausal Colleen who?

………….

Ah, what's Menopause and who’s Colleen?

Let’s end on a couple of my Tee-shirt Quotes that always make me laugh:

“I Need to Find Joy in My Life! I don’t know where she lives, but I’m going to hunt that b**ch down!!!”

“Don’t mistake being Silly for being Stupid!”

“Has anyone seen my sense of humor? I seem to have misplaced it!!”

OCD Cleaning Tip #6 - My dad turned me onto this Glass Cleaner many years ago.

Spit Shine Trucker Cleaner!

He went on and on about how wonderful it was - which spurred me on to test its proficiency. My dad claimed that a truck driver told him that he carried this product with him on his runs to clean his semi's windows and mirrors. I immediately cleaned all dad's windows - amazed at how squeaky clean they became. My dad, of course, sat there smugly chuckling to himself that he got his windows cleaned thanks to my gullible OCD nature. I highly recommend this product!

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement. I am so appreciative of your kindness. You are forever my Super Hero’s!!!

My sister, Bridget, ended an email to me with a fantastic tag line - Women Ignite and Women Unite. I would love to chat with you about igniting and uniting about menopause or aging or anything you feel like getting off your chest. I want to hear your stories. I will listen without censure or interruption! 

I would really appreciate reviews of my book on whichever site you purchased it on - even if it was a gift. It's very helpful and gives me credibility - and maybe they'll start selling my soft cover book again. Otherwise, I'm just a hamster on the wheel of book retailer life!

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Tell all your friends and family!

Let's be Friends!!

Colleen McIntosh