Why Can't I Be A Princess at 65? Sometimes You've Just Got to Wear Pink!

Why can't I be a Princess at 65? Sometimes you've just got to wear Pink!!

Pink is a powerful and underestimated color! It is no longer a fragile, ultra-feminine, save-me-or-I’ll-get-the-vapors color but an "Amazon Warriors" cry to acknowledge our strength and relevance. Yes, it signifies femininity, compassion, nurturing – but “Love” is the power behind Pink! Breast cancer uses pink as their cry to arms! Pink symbolizes good health and happiness. All positive traits that we take for granted. The blockbuster movie “Barbie” rallied females of all ages to not only be entertained but hear their message about women's strength, spirit and solidarity. It was a significant and unifying message heard around the world – just listen to the honest, compelling and mobilizing speech by actress, America Ferrara. When I listened to her impassioned monologue, that touched every female soul in the theatre, I felt a surge of connected energy and heard our internal howl of anguish, anger and societal injustice at not being seen or heard. I wanted them to rewind and play it again and again and again! Hammer that energy into every little girl in the world! I felt empowered and “Tickled Pink!!”

The Pink Skirt will amuse me and children for hours!

I decided to do a blog about clothing and aging because I recently shopped for an upcoming wedding (next summer) and it resulted with some internal conflict. An impassioned dialog between my multiple personalities arguing that their point of view should win the day. A dialog that has been ongoing since my 30’s. What is “dressing age appropriate?”

This is an ageless and enduring topic for a lot of women. Back in the “olden days” you covered your body head to toe until you reached the age for your coming out (debutante debut for the marriage market - to the highest bidder). Showing an ankle was indecent and you were called wanton and amoral (slut). If your husband died, you wore black for the rest of your life (at whatever age you happened to be at the time of his demise) or until you remarried. I personally wouldn’t have minded the black wardrobe but in that era colorful dresses and accessories were all the rage!! 

Early 30's - I'm the one in Technicolor and curls!!

In terms of my age (65) - age appropriate rules for the masses were stricter in the 50’s, 60’s and even the 70’s. The 80’s started evolving with an “liberating attitude.”  Ms. Fonda was in her mid-40’s when she started an Aerobic Revolution for women of all ages. I was in my 20’s and thought Jane was old but HOT!!! I wanted to be her when I grew up!! I wanted her body, influence and money!! Aerobics were classes for any age and women felt more emancipated and as a result standards changed. Toes tested the water, hair got bigger, colors got bolder, and shoulders got broader. I’m in no way condoning most of 80’s fashion but it had its merits in giving women a voice and sense of self-expression (albeit a misguided one). I wouldn’t be caught dead in shoulder pads today, but I certainly bought into that linebacker silhouette - “I am woman hear me roar or I might tackle you” statement. Our social and cultural guidelines on what is appropriate to wear depending on your age has relaxed in the 21st century – but I still see censure when it comes to “old ladies” and what the current fashion trends allow and don’t allow. We have evolved but with caveats. Let’s call them the Fashion Constabulary!

60 - Coolest Clown Outfit EVER!!

You'd never know we were sisters!

I remember meeting up with my sister a few years ago for a girl’s Saturday of lunch and window shopping. We were walking down The Avenue (open shopping mall) sipping nitro cold brew – when this mature couple (little younger than us) passed by, whispered and whipped around to ask a question. We assumed the woman had the question – but it was her husband instead. He gushed, “I love your haircuts! They are so cool. You both look so cool. Where do you have your hair cut? I’d love my wife to cut hers short like yours.” We were a bit stunned but flattered. His wife had long pretty hair up in a casual twist. The antithesis to our styles. Both my sister and I have short, spiky cuts. My hair was dyed platinum with dark roots and hers was pink. At the time – we also went to the same hair salon. Growing up we typically had different haircuts but as we’ve aged – short has become the norm. I don’t think we convinced his wife to cut off all her long naturally beautiful hair – but it tickled us that a man seemed turned on by crazy short hair rather than the cliched long. I also need to add how we were dressed. When I retired, I no longer needed to follow the boring work dress code (which only applied to me). I had a drawer full of tights that I could finally wear daily in comfort (not just working out). My sister had been wearing tights for a long time and I was thrilled that I could now emulate her savvy fashion sense. We were both wearing leggings with black combat boots, tops that covered just below our (less perky) bottoms and black leather jackets with scarves. The only article of clothing that was truly identical was our boots – which was a coincidence purchase. I knew she had a pair, and I needed cold weather boots and happened to purchase the exact same ones she had (subconscious copycat). This stranger/woman was so feminine and kittenish. She was pretty and fragile, and we looked very imposing and dangerous. For me, the (anti)color “black” makes me feel empowered (evil) and mysterious (scary)! That’s why 85% of my closet(s) are tones of black and blacker! But more on that later! 

Polka dot black dress with chicken design wellies! Tres chic(k) garden garb!!

I wore a lot of flowers and pink in my early 30's!

Whether we like it or not – when you hit 30 – anyone younger considers you old. At 65 – I find this bizarre – 30 is young. I felt physically fantastic and at my peak of pretty in my 30’s. Too bad most of it was spent miserable in a mock marriage and recovering from the end of that mock marriage (divorce). It was also my horniest decade. Thank God I met Ed at 38. He got a couple good years before it all went to menopausal hell!! During my 30’s I started to come into my adventurous phase of style (had more money) and weened myself off my “Goth” comfort zone (had no money). Brighter colors and bigger prints. I wanted to be noticed and show off my tight Aerobic bod! I was young (naive) and wanted my marriage to work despite all (his) obstacles. I wanted to be liked and loved. It makes me sad to look back on my feverish enthusiasm (desperation) that was never going to fruit into reality. But I tried my best and do not regret all my energetic endeavors (misled optimism). I now know that it was not my fault. Topic for another blog. This fanciful fashion trend only lasted for about 5 years until I reverted back to black and cynical (post-divorce - f**ked up and angry).

Early 60's fashion - gray, black and blacker!

I floundered in my 40’s – the peri-menopausal weight gain years. Nothing fit well and dowdy is the word that comes to mind. Anything to cover up my crazed 26-additional-pounds of menopausal befuddlement, agony and depression. It doesn’t help that I was in another debilitating relationship – sad and angry 24/7. BTW - I’m not talking about my husband Ed!

My menopausal 40's, weight gain and compulsion to dress like I'm 80! Even my raincoat is frumpy!

50's and sitting on my Irish Fairy Throne! Ireland landmark of fairy folklore!

I took back some control (with menopause limitations) in my 50’s. I was on a Pilates high and became whip slim. But evil forces (Mr. Schadenfreude - chapter 7 in my book) ripped down my increasingly positive energy and black clothing took over – to fuel my fury! I strived to look in control - mature and enigmatic – but I was angry and battling for sovereignty over my soul. It was like swimming up current in a lava flow (hot flashes). It was a dangerous time mentally. I was content with my physical self but my mental health and menopause coalesced into a deep dark rage against anything with a penis. As I approached 60 – I wanted to spill blood (not my own - I no longer had PERIODS)! Gradually - as menopause eased into post-menopause acceptance – I knew it was time for a readjustment.

In my early 60’s – Mother Earth shoved me down a new path. The year – 2020 - was the advent of a world-wide plague and isolation. When Covid hit I initially lost all hope and from that deep chasm of pain – I gradually saw a sliver of light. Within a year I made the decision to quit my virulent (infectious) job. I was sinking – but Covid eventually gave me the impetus to fight my way back to humanity.

I like taking pix in bathrooms. Nordstroms has soothing soft lighting!

We all experience pain and question our decisions. In your darkest moments – find humor and turn it around to your advantage. Laugh at your pain - because life is full of absurdities and evil forces that will tear you down! “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” (what Nietzsche said) Suffering is inevitable and balances us. It makes us more resilient. It make us appreciate our existence.

Speaking of absurdities - I'm "working" this blue garbage bag in Niagara Falls!

Covid mask chic - I made my own to match my outfit!

As I mentioned earlier (sister story), my wardrobe changed along with my attitude about myself and my life (freedom). Once I’d removed the albatross (job), I wore tights and tees for the remainder of our Covid restrictions – to date. Comfortable and ease of motion (OCD cleaning). I needed all the relief I could get to traverse a plague, mentally recover from my abusive rabbit holes, find my purpose and write my menopausal memoir. 

Thank god for outdoor activities during Covid!

I love my high-waisted wide-legged jeans! Comfy and goes great with my converse or boots!

Black – like my soul – is often my color of choice – but sometimes you’ve just got to wear pink!! The past couple years I started experimenting with colors again - blue, pink, maroon, green – subtle colors and patterns in tops – dresses and large sweaters to go over leggings and with my converse sneakers, ankle boots (heels) and combat boots – and fun colorful (subversive) socks! I had fun with outfits that were simple for grocery shopping, hip for going to a restaurant, upscale for parties. I’ve always worked out in tights but took a leaf from my sister’s book and made tights a fun challenge for everyday wear and any occasion. I got patterned tights with comfy sweaters for winter to elevate my spirit (cheer) in the cold temps. I mix and match my clothes with flair and out of the norm. If I wear jeans or pants – once again – I choose to wear things that a woman of my years would normally not wear. I dress younger but careful not to look too foolish (absurd). I often get complements on my outfits – usually with a look of surprise when given – as if older women should not look cool and worthy of acknowledgement (like I yelled "BOO" at them). But I’ll take anything at this stage and relish it!! Compliments raise the spirits (not as in the DEAD – but make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside)!

I added a chapter in my book about Fashion and menopausal (aging) women. When society thinks we have “aged out” of looking trendy – it becomes a challenge to redefine yourself while still liking what you see in a mirror. I strive for simple but elegant while still being playful and at ease with my choices. I like looking relevant without showing my boobies or too much skin! There is a difference between dressing age appropriate and screaming, “F**k you Fashion Constabulary! I want to wear that crop top and tutu!!” 

Menopause the Horror, Humility, and Humor of It All – excerpt from Fashion (chapter 15):  

The Potato Sack Syndrome!

Work that Potato Sack and Runway Beeyatch!!

A friend of mine mentioned that a lot of women bring up the topic of fashion during their menopausal years. We discover that there are no fashionable clothing options created for women in our age group. It’s like the designers decided to go from creating fashions for women in their 20s, 30s and maybe 40s and forego the next 4 decades. It’s just not worth their effort. I guess, they think we’ve given up on looking trendy and appealing and are not willing to spend the time or money. Well, I say, “Fuck You!” I still want to look cool!

Sadly though, I understand their logic. And yet, I personally choose to disagree with it!

Since being a child—I’ve noticed that women of a certain age—decided that when they hit that certain age—they should only wear clothing that repels admiration and envy. They began to wear a certain kind of “uniform” when they reached menopause. Drab of color and shapeless—like a potato sack! This potato sack came in a limited variety of colors not seen in youthful fashion. Also, they decided that once the uniform was established—they had to purchase 10 of every piece. Thus, began the acceptance of defeat and conformity to society’s vision, however delusional, of what our fate as older women will become. I call this, “The Potato Sack Syndrome!”

Tops—Shirts, blouses and sweaters become boxy and ill-fitting. When did the Lego company start a fashion line? Nothing fits properly and God forbid anything clings. Material is always a sub-par cotton or polyester—unrefined in every sense of the word. It never looks comfortable. It connotes defeat. Even when the top has a V-neck—it never extends past the clavicle. It’s like we suddenly decided that Puritans were hip.

Pants—When did the elastic waistband become a fashion statement? I thought that was only designated for infants and toddlers. Once again, material and shape remain unflattering. Just because the pants are cropped and trending at the time—does not mean this looks good. It actually emphasizes the body parts you personally despise.

Jackets and Blazers—I know that jackets and blazers are a really good way of covering up your boxy tops and pants—but it just added 10 lbs. to your overall statement. The 80s were a decade of unforgivable fashion choices.

Footwear—For the Love of God—clunky orthopedics is a sin against humanity! There is a great invention called insoles or inserts. You can put them in really cool shoes and no one would be the wiser. I also personally find Crocs to be the ugliest creation in my lifetime. No offense, but if you must wear something in this family—try some clogs or sneakers and get your dignity back.

Why don’t we like our bodies and the female form—no matter what size? Where are these women shopping? When did big, embroidered flowers come back into fashion? I don’t mean to harp and denigrate—but I refuse to tailor my fashion choices to what the world expects 64-year-old women to look like.

Fashion is a personal statement. Dress however you want. But don’t give up on yourself, your dignity and don’t do the expected. Just because you are 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 or 80 doesn’t mean you have to dress like you work in a potato field (which I did for many years, and it was not pretty). I wouldn’t wear a belly shirt and see-through tights with a thong! I don’t want to look ridiculous! Some clothing is reserved for the young body—but I still want to look vital.

There is absolutely no reason why a menopausal aged woman can’t shop at any store she desires. There are plenty of stores that accommodate to both the youth and the adult. Also, most companies now accommodate all shapes and sizes. You just need to learn the art of combining and coalescing articles of clothing. Blacks, grays and dark colors in general are more flattering to the female shape. By adding an accent of color in your tops, socks, shoes or jewelry make it more impactful and trendier. You don’t have to be rich to be sophisticated. Being older automatically gives you the right to be sophisticated. Keep it simple and add the whimsy and elegance to your accessories. We are all Queens in our little Fiefdoms!

Another point I’d like to make. When did we stop expecting compliments? I’m not talking about your partner’s flattery—but when a total stranger acknowledges and applauds your personal choices. It’s always a surprise and never forgotten. Euphoria feels good!

My beautiful niece Dani! Same clown pants but different wedding (top)!

I am a creature of habit (OCD) but every now and then I like to take risks. My niece, Dani, is getting married next summer. I am so excited for this event that I started mapping out what I’d like to wear – even though it was a year away. I don’t get out much!! I rarely have occasion to wear something nice (never). I loved this sky-blue long dress that I found while surfing the old Google – but once I found out the designer and how much it cost – I humbly resigned myself to Plan B. I decided to check out my go-to “special occasion” store in the mall – Anthropologie. I’ve purchased from this store for the last 4 weddings that I’ve attended. I also have a budget – so it becomes a fashion challenge. I wanted a longer dress this time with some stipulations: 

A. No low cut bodice – Buying a bra to accommodate the cleavage silhouette while also containing the jiggling effect to a minimum of seismic activity - is more than I care to deal with. I'm smallish but Jell-Oish. Bra Hunting – like a Safari – is illusive and terrifying! Clicking on an Instagram post and being inundated with BRA manufacturers – targeting younger women – but promising their bra can assist any age and perk up those old wobbly boobs. Whetting our “appe-titties!” As you age – it becomes more difficult to find the perfect comfortable bra. You start eliminating lingerie stores (for the young) like – Victoria Secrets, etc. You start wishing they made a sports bra that was easier to take on and off - not a torture device. You linger on all those ads on Instagram and Facebook – loudly proclaiming their bras are the best in the world! Starting to think you need to wear a bra 24/7 because left to their own devices – they are relocating south towards your belly button. Eliminating jumping jacks or jogging from your work out regiment. I have this uncontrollable urge to video myself putting on a bra to show all the young beautiful women on social media what reality looks like in 40 years. Remember – elasticity at age 65 is dwindling (gone). Your firm and perky boobies eventually detach from your upper torso and hang loosely and conforming to your rib cage. When you scoop them up and gently pour them into a bra cup, you give the world an impression of stability and form. But once you take that first step or bounce up and down during an upbeat song – the illusion disappears, and reality sets in for all to see and fear! The boobs of a 25-year-old woman versus a 65-year-old is a vastly different visual when dancing to “Funk Town!” If you ever watched an entire stadium of fans do “The Wave” – that is what a 65-year-old body looks like when energetically dancing. 

B. No halter top, string sleeves or open back – Another bra issue. I CANNOT go without wearing a bra. At 65 – this is not a debate (see above)!! I also have OAS (old age spots) along my bra line - which an open back design would leave my barnacles vulnerable to ridicule (my brother Michael). The alternative would be strategically tattooing the QE2 while covering my upper back - including my barnacles for authenticity. A cruise liner tattoo would be too hard to explain!

C. No skin-tight or slinky clingy material – I’m in good shape, but I don’t feel like sucking in my sagging skin suit and clenching my buttocks for about 8 hours (see above). That body-grip would eventually extend up my neck, with an end result of a sweating red rictus grin! Having EMT’s summoned during the wedding to revive a passed-out, vain, old fool would take all the attention away from the Bride & Groom!! Dancing would be forbidden which would break my heart because I’m an enthusiastic and uninhibited (ferocious) dancer. Only my sister can tame (restrain) the beast with choreographed dance numbers. 

I loved my Halloween Lace Skirt - if I were going to a Halloween Ball!!

I maneuvered around the Anthropologie displays and tried on a bunch of dresses, but nothing floated my boat (ocean liner). I was ready to abandon the Anthro plan but decided to do one more circuit. I saw a couple adorable shorter dresses – but did not want to deal with hiding my veiny legs and purchasing new shoes (fancy combat boots). Back in the corner I spied a fluff of material that looked strangely tantalizing – so I investigated. They were ankle-length skirts that came in black (my fav) and rose pink. The sprite-like skirt was layered lacy petals of tulle material. Kind of like an 18th century petticoat. My first thought was, “An adult tutu!!! Brilliant!!” I grabbed the black one out of habit and raced back to the changing rooms. I happened to be wearing tights and a thin short top which was perfect for trying on this skirt with a snug waist band. I fell in love, preened in the mirror and giggled like a little girl!! I felt so feminine and pretty!! I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror!! I didn’t care that I would have to find a top and shoes to go with this lacy confectionary – I wanted my tutu and no one (society) was going to stand in my way!! I ran out and bellowed for Ed – who was sitting in a comfy chair in the mall corridor playing backgammon. I shoved the tutu in his face and whisper-threatened, “I’m buying this!” I suspect that I looked somewhat demented holding a large ball of fairy lace as I waited for his “man-splanation” on why I shouldn’t – but he surprised me and said, “If you like it – you should.” I had not purchased anything for myself in so long – that I started babbling like a mad woman to the salesclerks. The price was a little more than planned – but less than I thought it would be. 

Same but rose pink! Sometimes you've just got to wear Pink!

When I got home, I immediately tried on every top that I owned – but none went with this magical skirt. I looked online and was equally frustrated. I found an interesting ($$) boutique site and was ready to purchase when I backed away from the computer and grabbed my car keys. I told Ed that I was having a “Girl Day” and headed for the mall. I also brought my black tutu because a lightbulb went off in my manic brain. I realized that the top I was just going to purchase online was a swirl of colors – orange, purple and black! Halloween colors!! I was going to a summer wedding and would have shown up in costume – a witch’s costume – warts and all. I had clearly lost my mind. I bee-lined it to Anthro again and decided to try on the rose pink tutu. I grabbed a few tops and headed for my changing room (yes, I had the same one as last time). I tried on the rose pink one and then the black one. I went back to the pink one and tried on tops. None were right – but I now knew what I needed - a childs top. I exchanged the skirts and sadly left my Halloween costume behind – Princess Pink won out. I had a mission and stopped at every young girl store until I reached my “Bingo”. Nordstroms has a section of tops for teenage/college aged young women. It was crop-top heaven!! This was the style that I had to purchase for this skirt because of the 2-inch elastic waistband. The only other option was a body suit which would have been problematic if it only came in a thong-style and didn’t open in the crotch!! I grabbed a slew of tiny tops and tried them on with my skirt. I found my top almost immediately!! Rose Pink form-fitted crop top that ended at the waist band of my tutu. If I lifted my arms my tummy showed but not in an embarrassing way. I even have shoes to go with this ensemble. Antique short heels - pink with rose pink petal applique – that I’ve only worn once. When I got home Ed insisted on a runway show. I vogued and sashayed for my audience of one. He was pleased and we took pix to send to my niece and sister. Dani liked it but thought I’d roast in my top (long-sleeved and short turtleneck). I run cold, so I wasn’t concerned, and it will be in Maine which is always 10-20 degrees cooler than where I live. But, to her point, I think I’ll head back to Nordstroms and purchase a back-up short-sleeved top for dancing – along with a pair of ballet shoes (sneakers)!! I still need to plan out my make-up (fairy dust) and lipstick (pink). Ignore those naysayers that demand you conform to dressing "Age Appropriate!" I’ll still look perplexing and ridiculous to some at the wedding, but screw the Fashion Constabulary! I’m trying something new and want to feel Pretty in Pink!

Anthropologie Skirt - Nordstroms Crop Top - I can't remember where I bought the shoes!

We all want to be a “Princess” every now and then. Why can’t I be a Princess at 65? I’m not saying we need to be saved, coddled or treated like we’re a fragile porcelain doll. If you think of every “Princess Fairytale” you’ve ever read (or watched) and seen what hell that bitch must go through prior to remotely winning her freedom – you’d want to be treated like a Princess for a day too! Not far from real life in some respects. It’s fun to step outside your comfort zone and gamble on that crazy outfit. I have a year to change my mind – but I’m determined to wear this frivolous tutu and OWN IT!! I’m already searching for a little purse and pink footless leggings. Sometimes you’ve just got to wear Pink!!

Feed me pizza and call me pretty!!

So Ladies – put on your big-girl Princess Panties, purchase that outfit that you’ve secretly coveted and wear it with pride while you - “Work That Runway of Life - Beeyatch!!”

Another recent Nordstrom bathroom photo - 65 and unhinged!!

If you want even more info on menopause and aging – not only check out my book but I have 30 blogs that go into all sorts of funny and informative crap about being a woman of many years. My doctor appointment and middle child blogs are a hoot!! It’s better to educate with honesty, horror, humility and humor than remain silent. 

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Colleen McIntosh