Training Bras! What are we Training for?

Nine year-olds don't need a "Littlest Angel" bra! Understanding mothers should know it's all a lie! Just give her the $1.50!

I was so overwhelmed getting my first training bra that I forgot to ask my mom, “What are we training for?

Training bra, starter bra or brassiere – our first bra was a significant and noteworthy moment in our pubescent lives – both good and bad. Whether you were a pre-teen, tween or teen – purchasing a bra was exciting and life-changing. However, some of us were ambivalent about this entry into young womanhood and its implications. It exposed us to the attentions from our peers – both girls and boys (and dirty old men). It also puts a target on our backs (fronts) for the world to discover that we are growing into womanhood and the ramifications that come with being a woman! I guess we are training for the hard times to come - for the simple fact of being a woman.

Whatever we are training for – the initial intention – other than greed – was to train our bodies and our minds to acclimate this band of discomfort (training bra, etc.) for our future oppression! Just sayin!!

Ad agencies (men) were perverts! She would have been arrested for this streetcar conduct!

In the olden days – girls (children) were mimicking their adult versions with corseted whalebone torture devices – to get them used to perfect posture, limited mobility, pain and restricted breathing – hence initiating them early to insure they would be well-behaved and future customers of the corsetiere. In the early 1900’s, the invention of the brassiere - a form-fitting underwear that is primarily used to support, cover and contain a woman’s breast area - was designed for women who wanted an alternative to the cinching corset. Caresse Crosby (born Mary Phelps Jacob) was the first to patent her design in 1914 and once married – used her husband’s money to create the Fashion Form Brassiere Company – but failed to generate sales (until a man took over). As the concept later took off, the “Bra” was becoming the new normal in women’s undergarments. Its intended use was to encourage girls entering puberty to securely bind those babies (literally and figuratively). In the guise of protecting their tender and innocent nipples from chafing, as well as, preventing those nubile breasts from prematurely sagging – the women’s underwear cartel secured their sales for generations to come. This mega industry was in full force in the 1950’s and 60’s – just as I was being conceived. These pre-standardized bras were merely aesthetic in their purpose and provided minimal or no support – but a rite of passage fulfilling cultural norms and what the media considered age-appropriate beauty standards. Literally binding us to a marketing contract for life! I’m curious why all these men, manufacturing bras for babies, thought these pretend training bras would emotionally reassure us that we were female and beautiful? This pressure also pitted us against our female peers – fomenting envy to boost sales. The fact that men (because you know it was men who were behind this evil undergarment scheme) took advantage of our fragile psyches at a turbulent age – between childhood innocence and young adulthood. We - like our mothers, aunts, grandmothers, sisters, friends – were all being manipulated into letting men decide what we needed to wear – inside and out. This assault on women also incorporated wearing equally uncomfortable supplementary items like girdles hose and high heels! We were tortured from bouffant head to blistered toe!! FYI – I prefer and sometimes wear men’s inexpensive boxer shorts – for freedom of movement and to let my vagina breathe - while eliminating camel toe!! Win! Win!

You have got to read all the ad-speak text. They call the girl in the center pix - Chubby! The "Princess Leia" baby/child at the bottom has dainty lace and frills for playing dress-up!! Wow!!

The Woman's Liberation movement (1960's) was a symbol and reaction to the sexualized bra message and objectification of women which instigated our political pushback for equality. Women Libbers Movement peacefully fought back against our male dominated society to ensure equal rights, abortion access, equal pay and protection against violence - our basic rights! The "Burning of the Bra" was purely symbolic. Advertisers presented the "Brassiere" as the following: Wearing a bra connotes being female and using our feminine powers (bound but suggestive breasts) as a means to seduce and secure a husband which will then lead to procreation and becoming a housewife and mother…….etc. etc. etc. Thank god it’s 2025 and things have progressed! Just kidding!! We are still battling with the opposite sex for equality. That’s another blog to rant and rave about.

Pointy bras were the norm for decades! Designed to mimic the conical receptor cells of the retina - which hypnotizes the male species!

If you are a woman and reading this blog – then I’m confident that you are familiar with this topic and clearly recall your first trainer or not!

For some reason this ad disturbs me deeply! Especially the flower!

This teen-ish trio of girls and bras that "Grow as you grow" was a marketing trend for selling more bras. What if you grew to a Double D?

The stigma of being a female - with breasts - has always been a mystery to me. It’s a natural source of food for the children we bear – but twisted into a sexualized temptation for men – who apparently can’t contain or control their base urges when a bosom appears in their sightline!! (Thanks Playboy!) That male issue has become our burden with the constriction of our orbs, and our sinful womanly wiles! Being eroticized at a young age and making us objects of desire is a societal (and religious) invention – purely to make money – with no concern for the exploitation of a child. Whether you were wearing a stretchy Lycra fabric that pretended to cover an actual breast (basically a nipple), a triple A or had an early bloomer B Cup – once you figured out how to put this contraption on – you were labeled a young woman and open to criticism. Training bras go boob in boob with getting your first menstrual cycle. You graduate to the next phase of - “I am now capable of creating life and feeding it” – while your youth has morphed into the pupa stage – prior to reaching the imago stage of womanhood.

This is just one of my many bra notes to mom. I didn't really need a bra, let alone three Double A's!

It's interesting, funny and painful walking down “Mammary” lane. My Titty Training Day started young, because I insisted that I needed a bra for my flat chested body. I was a late bloomer in the breast and the period departments. My envy for all things related to feminine discomfort was overwhelming as an OCD (overly dramatic) individual (middle child). I wrote my mom many notes asking for that adolescent-joke-of-a-training-bra! There was no mother/daughter bonding over my boobs or lack thereof. All I did was pester and irritate my mother while she stared at my flat chest, wondering how she was going to tell me that I didn’t need a trainer! I was a pre-pubescent nightmare! Peer pressure, having an older sister and advertising perpetuated my anxieties, which exacerbated my fears of being a late bloomer. I didn’t have a period until my early teens and didn’t get breasts until high school. Ironically, once I got my period and larger breasts – I had no idea what to do with them!! Just read my "Growing Up Middle(ing) Blogs" - parts 1 thru 4.

An image from my book - barnacled back - thanks to my bras and old age!

Why do they call it a “Training Bra?” What are we training for exactly? 

A.        The obvious would be training for getting bigger boobs, but if you have a flat chest, how could you possibly train for boobs if you’ve never had them? A Catch 22 – a circumstance that denies a conclusion! Genetics, not optimism, gets you larger breasts! No one tells you what larger mammary glands entail – discomfort, back pain, aching during menstruation, chafed nipples in the winter, erect nipples in the winter, teasing, groping, ogling and potentially cancer. No one really enjoys wearing a bra! Whoever invented the underwire is a sadist!! You also needed a new wardrobe from the waist up. The cost of bras has skyrocketed!!

B.        Prior to getting breasts – we could run with abandonment and comfort with or without the training bra. Once you size up to a B or C cup (or higher) – running takes on a whole new meaning. Sports bras had not been invented when I was sizing up to pain. Of course, this issue never affected men except when they watched us run and bounce in slo-mo!! Training bras could never train you for running with an upgraded size. Apparently, once you got boobs and bras, you were supposed to remain inactive and docile – or suffer the consequences of discomfort while you exercised! 

C.        If I was told I was training for the Olympics when purchasing my first titty trainer – I might have taken life a little more seriously. That’s a far nobler achievement than training for getting a boyfriend. I’d much rather be wearing a Gold Medal hanging between my burgeoning bosom than have a pimply-faced, sweaty boy tell me he admires (and attempts to fondle) my new boobs. Of course, I’d have to explain to everyone why I was wearing a Gold Medal – but I’m good at evading questions – I’d just bound over a hurdle and bounce away! 

D.        Are we training for WAR? There is a male-related expression “showing my guns” - which means displaying their huge biceps as an analogy to guns – weapons. Men have referred to women’s breasts as – Bazooka’s! I think we win!! Time to put those “Big Guns” to good use ladies! Why do you think they call it, “The Battle of the Sexes!”

E.        The brassiere manufacturers and the ad agencies should have told us the truth. We were training for Male Domination! Anyone with breasts and a vagina are considered less equal to anyone with nipples and a penis. The disparity women experience begins with the F**king Training Bra!!!

I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again – only women could handle giving birth, breast-feeding, raising children, training men and wearing a bra!!

My Boob Iliad began with a training bra - triple A. I went from a flat chest to a 32 AA padded confection and then once my period started – bloomed into a 36 C overnight – with bigger hips, extra weight and an attitude. This boob odyssey eventually led me to a slimmer 34 B – but as I’ve aged and sagged, they are back to a 34 C to accommodate the stretched sack-puddle of mammary glands. Being a woman can be exhausting and boob-breaking! 

Perma-lift Bras were terrifying! Of course, it will never let you down because it has a "Magic Inset" of metal alloys!! They should call it the "Chrome Cone Brassiere!"

Pre-Victoria Secrets (1960’s) was the Pointy Bra. Someone thought this reflected the normal shape of a woman’s boob. I don’t know one woman that has breasts shaped like a perfect CONE. Apparently, whoever designed this preferred shape for us to fit into – has never seen a real breast. Why is it so pointy? Is it to scare men or excite them? Is it to accommodate erect nipples – all day long? It looks dangerous! You can poke an eye out with those bras! I remember trying on my mom’s pointy bra and wondering why it was deflated in the upper half portion of the cup. I used a box of tissues to pump up the deficit. Typically, young women have perkier boobs, but as they enlarge to the next cup-size – gravity takes hold! Just ask Sir Isaac Newton! 

Yes, I would have purchased that bra if it aided me in my gladiator chariot racing contests of doom!

Littlest Angel training bras to this winged marketing campaign! Anything to sell bras and sex!

The bra, underwear and lingerie industry has become a multi-billion-dollar global market. One of the enduring manufacturers - still existing in stand-alone shops and malls all over the US – is Victoria’s Secret. Founded by Roy Raymond and his wife Gaye. Roy created this lingerie retail billion-dollar chain in 1977 – primarily because he felt bad and uncomfortable when buying his wife underwear in a department store. He thought creating an environment like VS – would make us ladies feel way more relaxed. WTF!!! I admit that I shopped in VS – but never felt at ease and comfortable! It was created more for men than women! It’s the only store that my husband wants to accompany me – while pointing and drooling at all the skimpy lingerie he wants me to purchase for my everyday (and night) wear! Their marketing was ingenious and cruel! I’m sure most of us remember the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Shows! The models were doing their “high-heeled model walk” – dressed in floss and feathers – while also sporting Angel Wings! Yeah, that’s normal! The 1990’s destroyed woman’s credibility as intelligent beings – thanks to marketing! I admit I shopped there but rarely found something comfortable and the minute I did find bras and underwear that fit properly – they were discontinued. The big nail in their lacy coffin was all the misconduct, harassment, bullying and discrimination in a toxic misogynistic corporate environment – including the notorious sex trafficker – Jeffrey Epstein!! I no longer shop at Victoria Secret and haven’t for years. They may have restructured their leadership now – but they still sell a brand that has been tainted and continues to sexualize us. I pass that pink scented store with disdain and disgust. I’m going full granny underwear these days and more comfortable for it! 

This scenario is every businessman's wet dream! I wouldn't be smiling, sitting on the desk, gabbing on the phone while provocatively posing! I'd be waking up from a nightmare screaming!!

I shop at TJ Maxx for underwear now. I have also succumbed to Social Media advertising in 2024-25 with bras for women of all ages who seek a bra that covers all problematic areas, comfortable and somewhat attractive. It still shocks me how the cost of a brassiere has escalated. I followed a company, Honey Love, on Instagram for a while before clicking on the purchase button. Buying bras off the internet – social media – is complex. Bras are so personal and often require trying on multiple options to find that perfect fit. We are all different shapes and sizes – no one is symmetrical. One boob is always bigger than the other! I caved and bought one – which has no underwire and comfortable except for one issue – clasping the 3 hooks in the back! You get 2 hooked and then when you attempt to do the third clasp the first one disengages and so on. It takes me 15 minutes to get all hooked up! I’ve talked ad nauseam in my book and blogs about my aging boobies – a topic that never gets boring for me, because I stare and deal with them every day!! So, the search continues.  

Maidenform bra ads got wackier and wackier!

My ladies group had a lengthy discussion about boobs and bras which was revealing. Every woman has bra issues – no matter what size or shape. We all search for the missing link that lifts, supports while also being comfortable and maybe attractive. My sister, who had breast cancer, has an additional problem with bra shopping. The corsetiere shop is gradually becoming extinct, but she found one in Bangor, Maine – called City Drawers. Being fitted by a trained bra expert is a unique experience. She was measured and sized properly for her expensive piece of lingerie and walked away satisfied for the first time in her life. Boob for thought!!

I would need a size small in a sling!

Some of you have heard the old expression, “Over the shoulder boulder holder" - which means bra for the well-endowed woman. I was never a “boulder” size chest and now as I’ve aged and my small boobs are slowly sliding down my rib cage – I need an “Under the shoulder boob sling.” My phrase doesn’t have a catchy rhyme scheme – but like fruit sleeves for your garden – these slings would do the following:

a. Support the boobs as they attempt to melt down to your belly button.

b. Space saving since they hold those boobs in their intended chest location while freeing up your rib cage to do rib cage things.

c. Air circulation around the blobs (boobs) which helps hygiene and prevents chafing, sores and age spots.

d. Protection from animals or critters – like unwanted attention from ogling males.

Slings are an inexpensive alternative to $200+ bras and when you are done with your DIY sling – you can recycle it in your melon garden!! 

Thank god for trends that are comfortable – like sports bras. I don’t wear thongs, but most women do now and love them. I would love to buy me a new sports bra – but one that is easy to pull on and off. I look like I’m wrestling a ferret when I try to pull a sweaty sports bra off!!! I usually scream for Ed to come help me untangle the damp pullover sports bra from my neck and arms. Strangulation by sports bra is not how I want to go!

Lululemon and the creation of attractive sports bras has been beneficial to comfort, freedom of movement and empowering. A trendier option. Underwires (devil bras) are becoming a thing of the past and with social media we have more comfortable options in this decade because women are taking over the construction of intelligent and comfortable Bra-wear! 

I say we permanently end the “Training Bra” imposition and start a revolution - “My Boobs. My Choice.” Let’s train for equality instead! 

How does religion play into buying a training bra?

Remember the Seinfeld episode about Kramer inventing the male bra called “The Bro or Manssiere?” How about we ladies invent a bro bra for men! We’ll call it, “The Payback or It’s Payback Time" - Bras for predatory men! 

Every woman I know or have met in a lingerie store has stories and issues with shopping for undergarments. It is universal. I'd love to hear your stories!!

If anyone would like to share their foible(s) - we could commiserate on our peculiarities - with an open forum of like-minded challenged adults. No shameing on this blog!!

If you want even more info on life, menopause, aging and other fun observations – not only check out my book but I have 38 more blogs that go into all sorts of funny and informative crap about being a woman of many years, experiences and observations . My doctor appointment and middle child blogs are a hoot!! It’s better to educate with honesty, horror, humility and humor than remain silent. 

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LIberate the Boobies!

Colleen McIntosh