My Name is Colleen... What is in a Name?

Just call me Wench! 

Careful who you call a withered hag - I have a hammer!

My name is Colleen. What is in a name? Not every name has fantastical meaning. Some names are just derivatives of banality. Like mine! 

My birth name is derived from the Irish – but ironically not a common name in Ireland. In our travels to Ireland and Northern Ireland – I was kindly but firmly told that “Colleen” was not considered an Irish name that meant “Beautiful Lass!” It was, however, loosely translated from a real Irish name, transported across the briny ocean to the land of North America and made popular around the mid-20th century – my birthing date! Like many names/surnames brought to these shores – bastardized versions of more exotic and original spelling – were changed because it was easier to dumb them down. Too difficult for the level of educated (grade school level) men monitoring and logging all the foreigners (immigrants) begging for entry to find a better existence. Like many Americans – they considered themselves superior even though they were not indigenous to this new land. Attitudes have not progressed very far in America (2025), which was originally all immigrants – except for the Native Americans!!! So, many Americans were given monikers to make everyone’s life easier as opposed to honoring their heritage. (pained sigh here)

My name, Colleen, is a girl’s name of Irish origin meaning nothing more than – “Girl” - not beautiful lass. The Anglicization of the Irish given name “Cailin.” Colleen materialized from Old Irish meaning - woman, countrywoman and wench. Irish mythology enthusiasts are drawn to Cailin’s close association with the Cailleach.

Yes, I am a woman. Yes, I am a woman living in a country. Yes, I am definitely a WENCH!

Is that a Nine Iron? The Scots invented golf - makes sense!

To recite AI overview of the meaning of the word – Cailleach – in Celtic mythology, the Cailleach is a divine hag and ancestor associated with the creation of the landscape, winter, and storms (not a warm and fuzzy myth):

1. Appearance: The Cailleach is often depicted as an elderly woman with a withered face, white hair, dark blue skin, and a single eye in the center of her forehead. (except for the centrally located eye and blue-toned skin – I fit the description to a tee!)

2. Powers: The Cailleach is said to have great power over the changing seasons and is believed to bring about winter by striking the ground with her staff, nine iron or hammer. She is also associated with wisdom, transformation, and the cyclical nature of life. (I wield no hammer or staff or play golf and clearly have no control over nature or my own life!)

3. Names: The Cailleach has many names, including: The Hag of Beara, Beira Queen of Winter and The Veiled One. (Hag makes sense. I like bears. I come from Maine – so I’ll enjoy being called Queen of Winter. I understand why she “veils” herself considering she’s a Hag! I should consider “veiling” this withered exterior and carry a big hammer or nine iron – for anyone questioning my veiled statement!!)

4. Legends: Legends tell of the Cailleach’s battles with Brigid the goddess of spring. (How crazy is this tidbit of info!! My sister’s name is Bridget, and her name is the sobriquet of Brigid!!! More on her name later – because she is an actual goddess!!)

5. Places: The Cailleach dwelled in Scotland, Ireland, The Isle of Man, and many places remain dedicated to her within these regions. (I’ve always felt a kindred spirit to these locales. I’ve considered moving to the Islands across the pond many times – this year in particular!!!!!)

I love the rack and thorny scarf!! Trend-setter!

The word “Cailleach” literally means “old woman, hag” and is found with this meaning in modern Irish and Scottish Gaelic. They don’t need to keep reminding me – my mirror screams at me every fecking day!! (“Fecking” meaning – a weakened version of the classic “F bomb” commonly used in everyday Irish conversation.)

How boring can a name be?? Colleen is as interesting as - Jane Doe or she, her, it. I’m the derivative of GIRL and HAG. I’m not entirely sure I like the association with Cailleach either! However, I am also frigid and terrifying!

My soubriquet is - Old Withered Vagina! 

What’s in a name? To give you an example of what a real Irish name means – I’ll use my sister as an example.

My sister deserves a Sainthood!

Bridget originates from the popular Gaelic name – Brigid – which means “the high one” or “the exalted one.”  Brigid was the Irish goddess of wisdom, spring, fertility, life, healing, power, strength, vigor, virtue, smithing (they just threw this one in for fun), and poetry. In Celtic religion – she was the ancient goddess of poetic arts, crafts, prophecy and divination. She was associated with fire, water and generally considered a Bad Ass! She represents every woman and all our unique talents, skills, qualities and virtues. The perfect woman!! In all my Bridget research – the words – withered or hag - never popped up!

Her Christianized counterpart was – Saint Brigid of Kildare – patroness of healers, poets, livestock, agriculture and connotes the arrival of Spring. Her name even has a blessing associated with it: “May Brigid bless the house wherein we dwell.” 

These two Celtic/Gaelic names and meanings are closely associated – sometimes considered partners and sometimes at war. Just like sisters!!! People do not live in fear when they are introduced to Bridget (Brigid). Everyone loves Springtime!! My winterized name signifies freezing your tits off, wishing it would go away, withers your skin, which makes you angry, so you lose sleep and look like a hag. I know a lot of people who curse winter – especially in areas that seem to last forever!! You never hear people whine about springtime!

I’ll start from the beginning. My name is Colleen. I’ll recount my version of its origins – as told by my mom and dad. 

Obviously, the one in the MIDDLE is me!

What’s in a name? My name was an after birth - afterthought. Just read my multi-part “Growing Up Middle(ing)” blogs!! I was the third child of five. My sibs are all one year apart in age. My mom and dad had no precious, meaningful, thought-out name lined up for me and panicked when asked by the nursing staff. They made it up in the hospital when forced to sign my proof of existence and lineage paperwork. Mom originally wanted the name Kelly - but her sister, Aunt Linda, already had dibs on that name prior to Kelly even being conceived! My name was made up on the fly, so they could leave the hospital! My parents had 9 months to carefully consider what their precious bundle of joy was to be called – but they were too busy and forgot. Apparently, this was low on their to-do list! Maybe mom didn’t know she was pregnant? Maybe she thought she was retaining water or having a hard time losing the baby fat from her last pregnancy? My mother confirmed my suspicions by informing me that I was a mistake. Hence, the genesis of Middle Child Syndrome! Unlike my neighbor who just had their fifth child and gave her the sweetest name – Penelope Noelle - born just before Xmas with much fanfare and adoration!! I didn’t even get pink balloons!!!

My name is rarely considered when looking for a baby girl name. I was also given a name that causes confusion. It is often mispronounced and misspelled. Below are just a few examples:

a. Cow-leen (I hate this one!!! A male college friend even drew me with a cow head and udders – if you catch my drift!!)

b. Ka-leen (I have no idea how someone gets a soft “a” out of Colleen)

c. Coh-leen (Nothing “coh-esive” about saying my name this way)

d. Huh? How do you spell that?

To say it properly – I’ll break it down: Call-leen (Colleen). Your welcome!

What’s in a name? Well, there are a lot of meaningful names out there that do not include my name:

Abigail – Father’s joy

Alexandra – Defender of mankind

Alice – Noble, kind

Callie – Most beautiful (Why wasn’t I named Callie?)

Calynn – Powerful in battle (Or this one???)

Claire – Bright, famous, brilliant (I could live with this one!)

Diana – Moon goddess

Eden – Paradise

Elsie – God is my oath

Eva – Life

Farrah – Happy

Grace – Goodness, generosity

Kaitlyn – Pure

Mabel - Lovable

Millie – Strength, determination

Naila – Successful

Reagan – Little ruler

Sarah – Princess

Sophia – Wisdom

Stella – A star

Vivian – Full of life

Zoe – Life

Etc.

None of these names mean – girl, countrywoman or wench!

Looks just like Ed!

My husband, Ed (Edward), cockily told me his name was “special.” He crowed, “I’m the name of KINGS!!!” I had to look it up. Edward means – wealthy guardian. He’s halfway there. There are many famous Kings and nobility with the name Edward. Edward the Elder, Edward the Martyr and Edward the Confessor being the original Ed’s. Plus, many more. I think the most popular Edward in current times would be Edward Cullen from the Twilight movies. A little dated – but vampires are hot!!! 

When we met, he introduced himself as Ed (not Edward). So, I always called him Ed. When he was working for the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment), I was backstage at one of the shows – meeting wrestlers and crew. I kept hearing them call out, “Eddie! Eddie!” I asked my husband, “Who’s Eddie? They keep yelling for him.” Apparently, that’s what they called my husband. I was horrified and bent over laughing at the same time. When I want to get a rile out of him – I call him Eddie! Nicknames are another blog!

I recommend looking up your own name and learning if your parents were thoughtful, cruel or playing a cosmic joke on you! I sometimes wonder what adult people were thinking when choosing birth names for their children – especially considering how it blends with their surname. 

Here are a few examples of crazy stupid parental choices – quoted from the site (https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-unfortunate-names/):

Real people’s names:

Mr. Perv (teacher)

Dr. Dick Chopp (urologist)

P. Ennis

Chris P. Bacon

Hitler Mussolini (Italian)

Dick Long

Paul Twocock

Mike Litoris

Mrs. Weiner and Mrs. Butt (teachers at the same school)

Moe Lester

Gay Saylor

Major Dickie Head (military brass)

Dr. Whet Faartz

Dr. Lord Brain (neurologist)

F. You 

Kash Register

Donald Duck 

Gay Neighbors

Dr. B. J. Hardick

Crystal Methany

Ben Dover

Amunder Yabed

The list goes on and on and on!!! Some were just so wrong I couldn’t share. What were parents thinking!!!!! At least my parents didn’t hate me!

Please, for the love of your child, be considerate, kind and look up your name choices on the Google before you commit! Life is hard enough. Going through your school years with a name that will follow and torture you until you’re of legal age – is just simply wrong!!! Changing your name is also challenging – so don’t add additional stress to your child’s life. 

If I’d had a little girl – I would have named her Maeve! It’s of Irish origin meaning “intoxicating” or “she who rules.”  Also, in Irish mythology Maeve was the Queen of Connacht, queen of the fairies and goddess of love and desire! Love that name!!! Since I don’t have a little girl – I’ve decided to use it as my nom de guerre/protagonist’s name in my next book. Yes, my main character will be based on me and all my messy attributes!

I named my dog Tate R. Tot – but I wouldn’t have saddled my child with that name. It’s cute for a dog but every bully’s dream when it comes to torturing another kid. 

In honor of starting a new year - I'm choosing to reassess the meaning of my name. Colleen means girl, countrywoman and wench. That means I represent all womankind - which is pretty fecking cool!

Wishing everyone who is thoughtful and kind a Happy New Year! Maybe I’ll name my next dog “Empathy” – to remind people that empathy can save humanity. Just sayin!!!

My vacuum, Sharkbait, felt left out of this year's festivities and insisted on a family photo with Santa hats!!

Read my last New Year's Blog about all my unrequited resolutions!! Don't make promises you can't keep!

If you want even more info on life, menopause, aging and other fun observations – not only check out my book but I have 36 more blogs that go into all sorts of funny and informative crap about being a woman of many years, experiences and observations . My doctor appointment and middle child blogs are a hoot!! It’s better to educate with honesty, horror, humility and humor than remain silent. 

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Happy New Year!!

Colleen McIntosh